Point and Shoot Phones Only

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I miss my LG phone because it produced carrots the colour of carrots, tomatoes the colour of tomatoes and my rain red boots, just red, and I would have you know that people stop me in the rain to shower the boots with compliments. And salmon. Hmmmm!

The Mickey Mouse phone I got a few months ago has numbers if I want zoom or close-up. The numbers flash on the screen when I swipe left or right. Oh! Lawd! As @thaddboii, my American football-go-to would say. How do I bring the picture back to its normal size? I definitely go bonkers if I can’t attach a clear pic to the blog, because some of my Top 10 readers are lazy. They don’t read all four paragraphs. That’s why I mesmerize them with photos and captions. I know the culprits. I digress. Where was I? Yes. Point and shoot phones.

PLAIN PHONE

Point and shoot camera. It can see the colour of the orange. I want the photo to be an orange, period. I don’t want to adjust settings or whatever. The phone should not have any icons, or baby ‘emojis’ that represent exposure, white balance or something.

I swear cellphone companies in China and Japan produce cellphones for 14 year-olds who have all the time in the world because they don’t cook, wash the dishes, wash their clothes, visit grandma, make their beds or clean their rooms. Poor parents! What a load! Can you imagine bringing up kids that will be useless to themselves, when they turn 18?

Anybody above 30 has responsibilities, places to go and work to do. Therefore, they don’t have time to be twiddling their fingers on a cellphone, with a complicated computer code. Please make point and shoot cellphones for us, technologically challenged folks, but we have money to spend.

We need a phone that is not hooked up to social media. It must have a SEND button to grandma, grandpa, parents, uncles, cousins and team mates. No LIKES, SHARE or COMMENTS. The government must insist on two types of phones: plain phones and Einstein phones.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Blogger Without Borders

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