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Showing posts from June, 2015

Selfie For Myself

I need a bank loan to take a ‘selfie’ of myself.I just can’t wake up in the morning and click a selfish photo because the world will go blind.You really don’t want to know what I look like.Come to think of it, I don’t want to see the real you without any make-up, either.

A ‘selfie’, (selfish photo) is like movie production.You need money to make a movie, so you approach investors or banks.This will help you pay the right actors, camera and lighting, costumes, and of course hair and make-up.

Hair and make-up artists are not given the respect they deserve, despite contributing so much to mankind and womankind.They re-construct people.They make the unlikable, likable, something similar to Facebook or Google +.I want to be liked too, that’s why I want my bank manager to give me some cash. I will be taking a selfish photo so the make-up artist must concentrate on certain areas.The lips are the first bus stop.Almost everybody seems to be pouting in ‘selfies’.I already have beautiful full lips …

Cellphone Gendarmerie

This writing thing is not happening for me at all, so I have joined the mobile phone police.

From this day onwards, we (mobile phone police) have injected your phone with a virus, without your permission of course, that will block certain messages that might lead to suicide, murder or shame to someone's family.

We think that face-to-face communication is still the best option to deliver the following messages.You can invite a third person for protection or as a witness, if you fear that telling somebody something might lead to injury.

1.You are fat.
2.I love you.
3.Will you marry me?
4.The wedding is off.
5.You are fired.
6.I am no longer into you.
7.Remove your stuff from my apartment before the end of the day.
8.I divorce you this minute.
9.Dad, I crashed the car.
10.You are not the father of my baby. This is not censorship.It is an intervention like ‘parental guidance is advised’ in movies and television, which means parents can watch blue or red porn with their kids, on condition that they…