Nonqaba said ...

Justin Trudeau, Canada's Prime Minister. Does he sign digitally? Must find out. Signatures are not pretty, like a spider’s web or honeycomb. They can be bold, brash and colonial, or petite like a baby cloud. Then comes digital signatures, complete distortion! We sign on the dotted line to get jobs, passports, buy or lease cars, buy or rent houses, or sign to allow dentists to fix our teeth. The problem is that tools for signatures are no longer pen, paper and your hand. They are digital. First of all, the pen is bigger than normal. The paper is not paper, but a digital plate. I start signing but the pen skates like a Canadian hockey player on ice. Letters take their own shape. The more I try to move the digital pen back on the road again, the more it careers to the wrong direction. I finally get it right. Signature done. I look at it. It’s a far cry from my old school signature. It stares at me, like someone who answers the front door, only to find a stranger with a baby on her bac

Being a volunteer can lead to permanent employment. Can? It does, most of the time. A company finally announces it has a vacant post . Job-seekers update their profiles and e-mail them. A few are short-listed and get a call to come for interviews. One of them volunteers in the company on a regular basis. She is likely to get the job for 2 reasons. 1.  The company created the position for her because they feel she is ‘a perfect fit.’ 2.  Potential employers need at least 3 people who can testify that you are a great guy who is human-user-friendly , if we can put it that way. The volunteer already has internal decision makers who can vouch for her. She will get the job because whether it’s a Canadian grocery chain or road construction, the workplace is an extension of home. People must get along. Husband and wife now have kids, but the love that brought them together is on low. They overlook that for the sake of the kids and bills. Same thing with the workplace. Business degrees or psych

I don’t have time. Time allocation is going down ski slopes wearing ballet shoes, and sans ski poles, goggles and helmets. The internet is the culprit pushing it. Online addiction has killed proverbs like there’s time for everything because it is like an avalanche, flattening every thing in its path leaving corpses at home and work. It’s all about urgency. Being online is an urgency only the surfing individual can explain. Make that millions of individuals. We allocate time to certain activity because time itself is condensed into 24 hours, 7 days a week. We use the 24 hours for activities necessary for body and soul, literally.  Body related activities are basically, sleeping, waking up, washing, brushing teeth, dressing, ablutions and eating.   Attached to them is preparation. We can easily relate to food preparation, but forget that we also allocate time to let’s say, sleeping, feeding the baby or talking to people we live or work with. What is pushing these down the precipice is gr

Couch potato? No, digital potato.   Pic. Nonqaba waka Msimang. Couch potato is about eating and comfort. Munching sweet and sour potato chips and nestling on the couch. Bad for the body and heart, but health can wait. We’re talking about cable T.V. and watching every channel and its ads. That was then. Cellphone and laptop computers now. Do we sit on the couch and surf the internet? Probably not. Couch potato doesn’t apply to online addiction because digital devices are not stationary like television sets. We take them anywhere, including the garage to run away from loving kids. We also take laptops to bed, his and hers in holy matrimony. Things that we traditionally do in bed can wait. We must be up to date about what strangers are doing online in their beds. No. Couch potato definitely does not apply to online gymnastics because we could be sitting anywhere. The beach doesn’t have couches. Coffee shops might have just one, the rest are hard chairs. Grass is not a couch, something you

Pic: Nonqaba waka Msimang. We follow people with calorie-free bodies, perfect paint on their faces, not a single gray hair, their clothes with someone’s name and husbands who don’t snore. There’s a story behind every famous person living a photo-shipped life. Meaning? Always in front of a camera, digital or otherwise.  Actors want kids to be in Bollywood and Nollywood. NBA players want kids to play basketball. U.S. presidents want sons to be future presidents. Beauty queens want kids to be Miss World or Miss Universe. The rewards are enormous: money, an acting career, Madame Tussauds wax figures  and the icing on the cake? Marrying into royalty, famous music or acting families. The ‘camera’ has stretched, like chewed gum. Everybody has a camera. It is never switched off. We don’t listen to music, because we take cellphones to concerts. Just point them on stage the whole performance. This digital fame comes with a price. The rich and famous become addicted to the camera. They must be ‘a

Pic: Nonqaba waka Msimang. Saving for a rainy day, was mama’s motto. We knew she meant school fees, school uniform or new shoes when shoemaker could not repair present ones anymore. People all over the world believe saving is a good idea. Families in Sweden reportedly lead the pack in bank savings, followed by Germany. The U.K. seems to be in bad shape with estimates that nearly half of people there, have less than 100 British pounds in their savings accounts. First of all, saving might be the ideal, but it is not possible if you are living from hand to mouth; earn less than the minimum wage; have seasonal or part time jobs; or paying off student loans, as they do in the U.S. If you are lucky enough to have a steady job and a profitable business, you can save. But when is the rainy day? That is subjective. It depends on many things. My rainy day might be sunny to you. Some people argue that a rainy day is just proverbial, because we have car insurance, home insurance, flood insurance,

  Mitch McConnell, U.S. Senate Minority Leader states his true feeling about black voters. Online pic. I am an American. Why are black people reminding us about a fact? It started 19  January 2022, with Mitch McConnell, U.S. Senate Minority leader’s response , to a question about their concerns. “Well the concern is misplaced because if you look at the statistics, African-American voters are voting in just as high a percentage as Americans.” McConnell is back-tracking now, saying his comment was not meant to be exclusionary. For many African Americans, it is no breaking news. They have known that all along. They live it. They don’t belong. Not only that, they are not human beings, which explains how Derek Chauvin, a police officer of a country called America pressed the life out of George Floyd, an African American, with his boot. I am an American. Citizenship, being American in this case, affords individuals certain rights and protection. Privileges come with obligations, like obeying

Mira Nair's film is set in Biloxi, Mississippi famous for gambling. I don’t have enough money. It is cause for alarm when it shouldn’t be. There is never enough money because it was not meant to be. The ‘enoughness’ is an illusion because money has no value. Believing that we can ever have enough money leads to despair, even suicide in some cases. You’ve seen the despair in gamblers’ faces in  Las Vegas Nevada, Atlantic City New Jersey, Biloxi Mississippi or Sun City South Africa. Men and women sit at those slot machines and pull levers, not for a few minutes but hours. If it wasn’t for bathroom breaks, they’ll be glued to them till casinos close for the day. Some addicts even get attached to certain slot machines. They only play machines they believe are productive. Isn’t that superstition? Some gamblers feel suicidal when they sit at a machine for a long time and finally give up. You come, sit down and the same machine spits coins. BAD EFFECTS ON FAMILIES Women in South Africa an

Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon in Taxi. Online pic. Monday is a universal misery day, where we ask the question: do I have to continue with this debt, this job, this daily traffic, this landlord, this addiction (to a substance, or live human being)? Yes we do. It’s called life. That’s why we sit back and watch some online movies, with the hope that they will eject us from misery day. Bad news though. Movies with original story lines are hard to come by. NETFLIX MONDAY OR APPLE TV+ MONDAY Streaming services can give directors production dollars to make original Monday 30 minute films. The cherry on the cake is that they will be ad free, which gives film editors freedom to cut films without worrying about leaving space to insert ads. Did you say original films? Yes, streaming services can have a spec. 1.  No happy ending films. 2.  No guns, FBI or TV reporters. 3.  No inside a moving vehicle scenes, including phones while driving. 4.  No alarm clock going off in the morning and a hand sl

Love speed? Autobhan in Germany is for you. The year ‘22 is forcing me to upgrade myself. How? Tik Tok. I think I can tik and tok pretty well, although i don't have any dance skills. That’s right. The digital landscape doesn’t sleep. Digital roads, cars, trains and planes change all the time, while I’m asleep. Excuse me, I need some shut-eye. It is not acceptable to continue my fog-like existence online. Interested parties cannot find me because I’m only on one highway. What’s wrong with that? How many Autobahns am I supposed to use? I tried Facebook, or should I say I was forced to sign up. I wanted to write a book. I didn’t have an agent, which meant no publisher. Friends and family said who needs them? Self publish and sell it online. Never listen to friends and family. Mama was a stickler for cleanliness, always doing spring cleaning even in winter. Years passed.  I took a broom and soap, cleaned up reasons why I was on Facebook. Strange people found me. They demanded things th

Lewis Hamilton with his mother Carmen Lockhart. Online pic. Lewis Hamilton from Britain drives funny flat cars without trunks at the back, to store luggage. It’s called motor sport. Or is it car racing? Never mind.   Hamilton is very good at it. That’s why he has won seven Formula 1 championships. He tried to win again last year in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) but lost. There’s a lot of controversy about what happened, what did not. Who did what, who omitted to do what? Legitimate and fly by night experts tweet about it everyday. What riles them a lot though is that Lewis Hamilton is not saying a word, probably advice from Anthony Hamilton his dad and first coach. It is the right strategy because he cannot compete with commentators, who seem to know Lewis Hamilton more than he knows himself. ONLINE CACOPHONY Noise is noise. We cannot sift fact from fiction, but one thing for sure, fiction has turned into wishful thinking. Part of the cacophony wants Lewis Hamilton to re

Photo credit: online pic. I don’t like coleslaw. You can call it what you like, but it’s still cabbage. It has painful memories because we ate it a lot growing up, when mama was between jobs, low paying jobs. We grew up, things got better but memories linger. One day my sister-in-law said: You can eat it now sisi . Sisi  means sister and that’s what women call each other in South Africa. Adults call kids as little as five, sisi . They love it, makes them think they are grown-ups. It was not only cabbage. Chicken legs as well. Painful memories of food hit me a few years ago in a Johannesburg butchery. Women were buying big bags of chicken legs. Were they going to sell them in smaller packets or did they have large families? Mental rewind. Mama made chicken soup from chicken legs. We also had chicken gizzards with grits. They are a full meal if you cannot afford a whole chicken. Things got better and mama was able to afford not only chicken, but chicken that goes round and round: rotisse

Black Panther star, Lupita Nyong'o. Amnesia. We get frustrated when we don’t make millions online because we believe the hype, that it is a ‘social’ space. It is not. It is mainly for magazine content: stories about the bold, beautiful, rich and famous. Newspapers used to carry that content in the society pages and their colourful magazines in weekend editions. Television came along and that content moved to the small screen at home. We have the internet now where we get news about celebrities 24/7. You don’t need a magazine subscription to get news about your favourite NBA star, actress or musician. You just scroll down your phone. You can even have your own podcast where you comment about famous people. Zhuri James is famous because of her father, LeBron James who is currently wearing the Lakers jersey.  Zhuri is 8 years old. She is also famous in her own right because of her YouTube channel. Amnesia. You cannot afford to forget this, if you’re thinking about starting an online b

Jada Pinkett Smith, Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox and Kimberly Elise rob a bank.  Online movie poster. Speed limits are a way of life to avoid mayhem or human-hem on the road. Not banks. They are exempt from such mundane things. That’s why in January, they send us lollipops in the mail about new credit cards. If there were speed limits, banks would be forced to slow down to 30 miles per hour in January, for obvious reasons. Credits cards currently in our wallets have broken down. They are parked on the road, bonnet up waiting for tow-trucks. What caused the breakdown? 1.  Black Friday sales 2.  Pre-Christmas sales 3.  Christmas eve sales 4.  Boxing Day sales 5.  New Year sales 6.  Inventory sales School uniforms and classroom supplies are not included in the above list because they are a necessity, so they don’t go on sale. Parents must buy them and if their credit cards took part in the six vanity sales, some kids will go to school with school uniforms they’ve outgrown. Because banks have

Fred Perry from Britain, 1934 Australian Open winner. Online pic.  The Australian Open is not just a tennis tournament. It is one of the four grand slams all players hope to win, but few get there. Fred Perry from Britain won it in 1934. He also had eight other grand slams under his belt. It is an ‘open’ tournament because visitors come from different countries. Australia is the host. Underline visitors, because Australia is a sovereign state and as such, it can accept or reject them. Health is one of the major reasons for rejecting certain visitors, players in the case of the Australian Open. All countries are concerned about the health of their citizens.  That is why visa application forms always ask you if you have had such and such illnesses. Standard question.   Enter COVID-19. Like all countries, Australia has tightened screws on health requirements. The most important is vaccination. Visitors must be fully vaccinated to enter the country to visit the incredible beaches or take p

Photo credit: Online pic. A condo or apartment building with a gym is a strong selling point. Was. Property developers are still baffled, because despite the 2020 lockdown, we did not use in-house gyms on the ground floor, first floor or top floor depending on the building. Animals. That’s the reason why we prefer commercial gyms to condo gyms. We are animals. We like being around the species. We like driving through hail and storms to use overcrowded change rooms, wait patiently for the next available treadmill or do the Zumba dance with 20 other bodies. We also like music. Condo gyms don’t have music to greet us when we sign in. Zumba music pumps us into action. Condo gyms are sterile. They were made for human activity but there's nobody lifting weights or riding a stationary bike.  We are animals, which brings me to the irony of human nature. We buy condos for peace of mind, which means no parents, brothers and sisters. As soon as we hit 18, we rent an apartment because “mum and

Novak Djokovic, reigning singles' champ doesn't like vaccination. Australia does. Novak Djokovic is the owner of his body, so he has the right not to subject his arms to the Covid-19 vaccine. But, the man across the net, playing against him, in a single’s match also has the right to his own arm. That’s why he allowed it to be jabbed a bit, for the Covid-19 vaccine. He vaccinated to be safe against the virus and also to reassure other players like Djokovic, tennis officials, staff, ball boys and girls and umpires that they are safe around him. The world is going through a pandemic and we are required to be fully-vaccinated if we want to be with other people. We may not like it but we are animals. We like being among other animals, on the bus, plane, grocery store, and Australian Open. It is nothing personal. There must be some other tennis players who share his views about vaccines but they got the jab, because they want to come out and play. Djokovic is a sportsman, has won the

A very sad film about two friends in the Beijing Opera, directed by Chen Kaige. Foreign movies are foreign to you, but English and French movies are also ‘foreign movies’ in North Africa, Asia or South America. Before the pandemic, people who love movies and had money to travel went on the festival circuit, which includes Milan, Hong Kong, New York, Berlin and of course, the world famous Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF). This is where producers and directors discuss film production in their respective countries: how they raise money; shooting when money dries up; finding costumes; why they shoot in particular locations and government censorship in certain countries. I’m into foreign movies because they are economy class. I don’t have to buy a plane ticket and book into a hotel. I just sit down and watch a movie about other countries. The sitting down used to be in a movie theatre but we catch movies on computers, now.  Not just economy class. Foreign movies contribute to my p

Canada is a land of milk and honey. Is it? Stella Guan , born in China but based in the U.S. ushered in the new year with a post about immigrant guilt. Yesterday’s immigrants and today’s immigrants know the feeling. Happy to be here in Canada, U.S., U.K., Germany, Australia, South Africa or Sweden, but guilty about leaving and the hidden intention of never going back. A co-worker once said she could never return to her country,  because there were few tarred roads. I found that strange. Stella Guan’s piece explains how the guilt is tied up with loved ones we left behind, but who gave their blessing when we left. I was lucky my mother passed when I was back in Africa. I stayed long enough to erect her tombstone, which is a big deal where I come from. A friend was not that lucky. Her daughter died and she couldn’t travel back for the funeral. Years later, she returned to her original country but got a cold reception from her relatives. How could you say you did not have money to come and