Nonqaba said ...

The home cellphone is a nomad. It trots from room to room. Actually, it’s many cellphones blended into one because all inhabitants have them. You can hear the trot because the home is usually as quiet as a tomb. The stillness is respect for the phone space so that all inhabitants can enjoy their machines. Therefore, television is permanently off, since it intrudes into that peace and quiet. There’s brief mayhem when ringtones go off simultaneously.  Amber, take your call. Because of irritating human needs like hunger, inhabitants field requests, such as helping someone open a tight jar of spaghetti sauce, chop vegetables, get the wok from a top shelf or wash the car. Wait, my phone.  You’ll get help alright, but only when the owner places it within reach, like the Queen’s Guards, upright and alert. The cellphone is such a nomad, it ventures into temporary spaces like the bathroom. It’s not a long term space, just meet and greet. Massaging a phone in there causes friction, because time

Justina Miles, a deaf performer from Bowie State University did sign language  for Sheryl Lee Ralph and Rihanna at the Apple NFL half-time show in February. Ma was an expert in sign language.   I lowered my eyes when I found her waiting for me with her hands on her hips.  I would re-do the pots I had just scrubbed if she looked at them then looked at me. I would hug her when she looked at me with eyes coated with honey for no particular reason. Nobody knows the importance of hands in human interaction like the deaf community but I’m sure every culture has ways of conveying messages without the shouting and yelling.   Sometimes someone pulls out a gun or slaps somebody because they cannot ‘out-yell’ them. Two hands together represented humility and respect in my part of Africa.  You accept something from somebody with your two hands.  Using one hand looks like you are grabbing it and Ma’s eyes will tell you that you are out of line. Ma used to say ‘ awuzwa’  which means I don’t listen. 

To dig is imba in Zulu. I get scared when I see those monster machines breaking the road with their claws. City Hall calls it maintenance. The public calls it the summer headache. I- mba . You say the first part as e-mail and the second like ember. Journalists used to dig for the truth, now they do it to increase followers. First Nations of Canada and U.S. were called barbaric because they believe in mother earth, and you don’t hurt it by digging gold, platinum and other metals. Industrial billionaires value mother earth differently. It is called property because real estate is about land, not the house we bought. It can be demolished, but land goes up in value. There are no digital roses yet, so avid gardeners dig and plant things. I laughed the first time I saw someone gardening with gloves on. It means they've never experienced the sensation of  the soil's  warmth. Maybe they are scared of the tenants: little worms. Question:  What are they doing? Answer: Ba-mba igolide  (Th

Song of Solomon. Toni Morrison’s novel has a scene where locals complain that a stranger arrived and did not greet them, but eyed local women. I hope I’m quoting the correct book.   I can’t double-check because someone nicked  Song of Solomon . Borrowed probably. Friends and family forget to return things, don’t they? Toni Morrison is the only person who can confirm or dispute what I’m saying about that scene, but she has passed on. Greetings are the icebreaker, even the two cents ‘ Hi ’ mainly used by most Canadians and Americans. Greetings are more elaborate in traditional societies where people live off the land and whose lives are determined by the sun and the moon, and food is provided by animals, fish and plants.  Greetings are also more intimate among African Americans because they use the whole body, shoulders, arms and hands to connect.  Their style has been handed down from generation to generation because of slavery, when they were truly blood brothers and took care of each

  You can't send this card to people in Africa and any country near the Equator.  They'll shiver and say: Poor thing. Come home immediately . LOL. Send greetings is   kho-nza  in Zulu.              Sending greetings was common in old school letters before cellphones, email, FB, Twitter and Skype.  ·            mother is not well and sends greetings.   ·           our sister-in-law sends greetings.   ·           your primary school girlfriend sends greetings.   ·           next-door uncle sends greetings. Oops! Sorry. There are still people who write letters.  People also travelled long distance by train. There were no taxis then.  Friends and relatives saw them off at the train station and when the train started to chug away, they would shout:  U-ngi-kho-nze-le ku-mfazi wam’ , translated into, greet my wife.  Some would be bold enough to shout, tell her to come to the city to fetch another tummy. Kho-nza .  The first part is pronounced like call, the last one like panzer, a Ger

Sports is big business. Young people with talent dream of NBA and NFL fame, so they use agents to find the right fit. Lamar Jackson, football player for Baltimore Ravens is his own agent, no middleman.  Basketball and football players are like commodities on the New York Stock Exchange. They are traded. They have a price and it’s mostly determined by agents. That’s why NFL star Lamar Jackson was the flavor of the week, when he extracted an obese contract extension from Baltimore Ravens, without an agent. Agents have one product: information. That’s why there are agents for getting a small part in a Disney movie, publishing a book, getting a high corporate position or buying a house. Before the internet, real estate agents knew who was selling a house because it was exclusive information. It still is because people belong to professional, racial, religious and business families. How do you sell information? It started in countries like Britain. After the last war against Hitler, the ari

Definition first. We’ll use blogging in its narrow sense, which is words, like what you are reading now. Internet language changes overnight, and I can’t sleep with one eye, trying to monitor the metamorphosis. Tik Tok videos eliminate what is called, writer’s block.  What will I write today? Blank. Push-ups on the floor, push a stroller, drive to the gym, take a walk, climb a tree, any form of exercise for that matter, still blank. Maybe I should have something to eat. Bad idea. Stop. That’s how I erase writer’s block. My body cannot take any more eating binges. With Tik Tok you shoot and post, there’s no writer’s block. If you do take that walk, you’ll be surprised at video opportunities that come your way. Free pop corn. I know, because I shoot and embargo. I see photo opportunities every time I step out of the door, because the world is wonderful, despite what is happening indoors. You might not appreciate that, a bed-ridden person fully understands. I also come across sad photos,

We’re not in the NBA Play Offs but it’s all good, gave Toronto Raptors some time to fix broken doors and replace cracked window panes. The house will be bullet proof next season, and you better believe it. Now that Raptors are on leave, our love is on loan. We divert it to distant cousins that are still live, battling free throws. It looks so easy from the vantage point of a comfortable home couch, but very nerve-wrecking for real players facing stadiums full or either adoring fans or hostile like Bulls’ player, Demar DeRozan’s daughter. So Raptors fans, who are your distant cousins in these Play Offs? I’m an open book because of previous posts. It’s Miami Heat and Phoenix Suns for me. Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra - a permanent tenant at the Play Offs - works for me. I cringe at the thought of living in Miami, with all the heat and after midnight scary things they do to women, but I wouldn’t mind watching ‘Spo’ giving Jimmy Butler and Bam Adebayo some coaching tips. Phoenix Suns is

Norman Jewison is a famous Canadian filmmaker who initially used government money to make successful commercial films about American stories. The only Canadian content was that they were shot in Canada. Netflix is not happy with Canada because of the Online Streaming Act  passed this week. Nature made air for all animals to enjoy, not forgetting rain when air becomes too hot. For economic reasons dressed as patriotism, human animals divided it into flag air: Canadian, American, Russian, Korean (South and North) Brazilian etc. This Act requires carriers like Netflix and Spotify to have Canadian content in order to be seen and heard in Canada. The country is using the airspace prerogative. Broadcasting air in Canada is controlled by the Canada Radio- television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC). There’s a historical reason for it: American content. Canada wanted to distinguish itself from its neighbour, but it was impossible because since the beginning of broadcasting, Canadians h

Himalayan, Rockies, fine or rough, salt is salt and nibbles the heart like a concertina. We used to cause Mama pain when we ate a few spoons and stopped. Reason? We told her the food was not delicious. Why? No salt. She used salt, but sparingly. That’s why we couldn’t taste it. She didn’t scorch meat and vegetables with salt, something I later realized when eating at someone’s house. Wedding and funeral food can also be very salty. It never occurred to me that we seldom complained at grandma’s. We helped her harvest sweet potatoes, washed them thoroughly and boiled them. We never said they had no salt. Same with the corn harvest, straight into the pot, without shaking a salt cellar. Cattle don’t use salt because they eat grass raw. Is grass vegan? Who knows! We are so used to adding salt, we use it in food that doesn’t need it. Carrots are carrots, very self sufficient. Peas also. When the doctor told me to slow down on the sodium, I discovered peas, very sweet. Come to think of it, al

Greed destroys the environment, because manufacturers make things we do not need, like these sandals. They are called novelty gifts. Translate that into useless. Kids won’t go hungry and the sun won’t stop shining, if factories did not make them. To add insult to injury, these sandals are atrocious because they plagiarize the rainbow. Beautiful colors nature made after the rain, have been turned into this synthetic frog. There’s also theft involved. The manufacturer uses the name of a famous company that makes sheep skin shoes. The idea originated in Australia but was copyrighted by an American company. You might have its slippers and boots in the closet if you live in Canada, Norway or Finland. Wait. Did the brand agree to this synthetic product? If they did, do they get a cut from the profits? It’s highly unlikely that there will be an avalanche of sales from the ugly prince. Novelty items are hazardous to the environment because we eventually drop them in the garbage. We should take

Canada is having a family dispute that has gone outside the gate. The federal government is an employer. Members of the Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC) are on strike. What is it all about? It’s written in placards around their necks as they march up and down in the rain and snow. Placards tell the story but they are just a headline, a bullet point. The owner of the neck should be able to fill in the blanks about the placard  “2% is milk, not wages.” Members of the public are either for and against any strike. In this case, can it influence what the government is offering and what the union accepts? We don’t know. Effective placards are a magnet. They increase our desire to know more about the fight. It is therefore disappointing when striking workers cannot answer questions about messages they are parading on the pavement. This is where the union comes in. The reason why they cannot answer questions about the 2% or any other question related to their grievance, might be two-fo

British aristocrats bored at home went to the colonies and studied black and brown people like animals. Rest in peace only applied to them, not to kings resting in their tombs in Egypt. They pried them open and put them in British museums. Can they do that to Queen Mary's tomb? Traditional education that takes place in buildings with thousands of kids and semi-kids listening to the same message, is no longer tenable. We cannot blame the pandemic. The internet cast the first stone. Kids used to listen in awe, as teachers unveiled the wonders of Egypt and how the sun is energy. What used to be exclusive to one professor is now open sesame online. The internet dethroned teachers. What should also come down from the throne are subjects like Anthropology, because they are not education. They are part of imperialism, where men who did not speak Zulu, Hindi or Putonghua, wrote books about how ama - Zulu behaved, how indigenous people in India behaved and how indigenous people in China beh

If education is  no longer about facts, what is the point of sending kids to schools? Religion, slavery and money alters facts but they cannot be changed. 1.  how the sun rises and goes to sleep 2.  how nature has a relay race: spring, summer, fall, winter. 3.  how mothers protect chicks from hawks 4.  how there’s no superior race because we all eat, drink and visit the toilet 5.  how cats see in the dark 6.  how water boils if you apply fire 7.  how animals (including humans) are male and female 8.  how we are all here, because they make babies 9.  how babies get milk from their mothers 10.  how babies grow up to be men and women and the circle, circles again, if we can put it that way. Then comes the truth. Do schools teach the truth? It depends on the society. The Queen of England had her own school in smaller palaces, before she lived in Buckingham Palace. She had one teacher, a governess by the name of Marion Crawford, who was from Scotland. The little girl who ended up being the

Floor crossing is when you voted for the politician that wears white.  She goes to parliament and switches to the blue party, you do not like. It's all legal.  Tradition cannot be forever because it germinated at certain times, in certain circumstances. When the music changes, the dance changes, says the African proverb. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change in former British colonies like Canada that practise, rusty political traditions like floor crossing. What is floor crossing? An example. I went to the market to buy oranges. I like them because they are sweet. Someone was selling lemons. He tried to convince me to buy them, even gave me a recipe for lemonade. I said no. I don’t like lemons, they are bitter. I bought oranges and went home. I later try to peel them only to discover that he sold me lemons. There is a tendency to regard anything British, anything related to the Queen of England as sacrosanct, holy or god-like. Because of that, floor crossing in Canada is not regarded a

Rupert Murdoch is not worried about his rival the internet. If it kills television networks,  he'll just buy Twitter, when Elon Musk is ready to off-load it. It’s stale news that CNN let Don Lemon go, and Fox, Tucker Carlson. What has been simmering for a while but has not been discussed by panels on television networks, is their future. Are those chairs and make-up artists secure? Once upon a time, owning TV stations and newspapers used to be like a license to print money. Ask Rupert Murdoch, Tucker Carlson’s former boss. He owns almost all of them. Television news cannot take viewers for granted anymore because of a little logo that looks like a bird.  Twitter sends us breaking news every minute 24/7 and Tik Tok and YouTube Shorts flood us with good and bad news, as they happen. That is why we are discussing dormant volcanoes. The issue is not Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson but the lava inside. What is the future of CNN, Fox and other media giants when anybody who has a phone or la

The computer drives me crazy when it tells me to remove something I put in the bagging area. You are not a human being . Anyway, many big grocery stores have the self-serve option. Take your shopping basket to the machine and follow prompts. The first one is START NOW. Bad news for people looking for work even if it’s minimum wage jobs. Replacing humans with machines in not new. It’s the capitalist way. Self-serve cashier machines are not born equal. Some are user friendly with simple instructions in English. I assume machines in Poland, France, Germany and all of Europe have simple instructions in their languages. However, and a big however, stores have a staff member on stand-by that helps customers at self-serve cashier machines. In one store, they reduced cashiers from 7 to just one. That’s the person who comes to you when you press the HELP button. The problem at these machines is assumption. They have icons everybody understands, like the Wi-Fi icon. That’s an assumption, right t

George Santos, Republican Party albatross. The internet is the main opposition party. People who work in government media will tell you that they have a list of organizations that must be appeased, before ministers mount the podium and announce X number of dollars for this cause or the other. Which organizations? It depends on elections. As you know, voters are slotted into boxes: race, women, business, oilmen, aboriginal issues, Greta TinTin Thunberg the environmentalist from Sweden, immigrants, farmers etc. That list flies out of the window when the internet explodes with the news that the honourable minister is actually a white woman, pretending to be black. We know the drill. She will be suspended without pay while the matter is being investigated. The internet must be appeased, because it is like a forest fire in British Columbia, that will scorch the whole province, with repercussions in Ottawa, the home of the federal government. The internet has so much power, it makes handlers

To dish out or serve food is phaka in Zulu.  This blog offers Zulu lessons when time permits.    Isi-Zulu  is one of the languages spoken in South Africa, where the umbilical cord is buried.    It is also spoken in neighbouring countries like Lesotho, Swaziland and Zimbabwe. Pha-ka  is the comprehensive action from the source (pot) to the final destination, which could be a table or someone sitting under a tree.  Pha-ka .    You say the first part like palm and the last part like karma. Kids don’t have jobs.   They play, eat and sleep. There is even a rhyme they sing when they play in the evening, just before electricity is switched on:    Bakhanya ogesi, sekuzophakwa  meaning, lights are on, food will be served.    Aaayi!   These guys are something else.    Well!    They better rush home before mothers come out, hands on their hips and shout their names. Traditionally, strangers who dropped by on their way to another part of the country were given food and shelter. It was in the spiri