A Date With Bread

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"May I take your order?”

Waiters used to place a basket of warm bread, before asking that question. It was their calling card, and I looked forward to it. It came with best men, two or three packets of butter. Naughty but nice, but nice nonetheless.

Then came the rude and oppressive COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Lockdown. Restaurants, concerts, ball games everything shut down. Are we eating out again? I must ask the Restaurants Association, if it exists. They should have numbers on restaurants that went under and those that survived. If they are back in business, do they still have the complimentary bread? Now truth be told, it disappeared from tables before the pandemic, thanks to the loud diet brigade. You must not eat this. That is poison. You cannot touch that, it will add another province/state on your body.

It’s only bread and I don’t eat it everyday. You know why? Restaurants have different bread. I had a dining-out friend in Toronto and table bread was one of the criterion we used, for grading restaurants. There’s nothing like a dining-out friend. Women miss many experiences in life because Hollywood and YouTube movies give the impression that eating out is thrilling only with men.

Talking about men, let’s talk about being on a date. That bread enables the man and woman to cross-evaluate. What am I doing here? Look at the way he chews. Did she use two packets of butter on one slice? He has talked about his cars and houses since we got here. Then she asks him for a two-some selfie. The man excuses himself to the bathroom, never to be seen again. See? We need bread back on those restaurant tables. It’s good for date assessment.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang. 

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