Women Seen But Not Heard

It’s worse on Sunday, because women are reminded once again, that men prefer to be alone 90%  of the time. That is why they dress up and go to church and let husbands sleep in as much as they want. Forcing them to do anything causes friction, and can affect children negatively. It’s evident in public spaces like open-air restaurants. Dads-on-duty punch their phones, while little hands grab their cheeks for attention.  

At home, well-off men have a study, den or man cave. What you call it is immaterial. It’s usage that matters and it boils down to the same thing: no women allowed. It’s not personal. It’s just the way it is. Men prefer to be alone or with other men 90% of the time. That is why post-pandemic marriages don’t last because they are based on unrealistic standards, set by Instagram, Tik Tok, YouTube and other social media. These platforms advocate bonding and quality time, something that is ideal, but not practical.

Women in religious societies are better off in this regard. What? Yes, because they know what time it is. Women have their own spaces within the home and understand that religion and culture keeps men and women apart. They even eat separately. Certain things are done exclusively by either men or women. For example, we think it’s normal for women to dance at weddings. In some cultures, it’s only men that do choreography.

Girls know what to expect when they get married. They won’t be joined at the hip with husbands. They meet for a need. It is fulfilled and they go back to the normal, separate but joint existence. It’s not only religious societies. In certain parts of the world, men and women don’t eat together.

It’s easy to be critical of such customs if you live in Europe, U.S. or Canada, but how do we explain spaces like a study, a den or man cave? Even kids know that it’s daddy’s private domain.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Executive Blogger