My Name is Woman. Call Me Quiet.

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“You are quiet.”

Is it a question, or an opinion? Let’s say it’s a question. It is usually asked in tight spaces like automobiles. Women find it strange because quiet is their middle name. It is part of bridal gifts from mothers. Culture expects them to be quiet. Religion insists. Now cellphones.

Women do not get that question at the dinner table, because the family is held hostage by cellphones. Any attempt to engage the husband, sons or daughters leads to rebuke. Mom be quiet, I’m on my phone, in cultures that allow kids to speak to parents like that. Then comes national celebrations like Labour Day, Canada Day, 4th of July, Christmas or Thanksgiving. Quiet again. Women are expected to be quiet, especially when company is visiting.

Most women are quiet because they don’t want to be accused of nagging. Culture instilled in them that the man is the head of the family. Culture does not define what family is, but women know they give birth to family components and nurture them to maturity. Women also keep quiet to make husbands the envy of their peers. You have such a lovely family.

In some parts of KwaZulu, a province in South Africa, men still greet each other like this. Basa phil’abantwana? Translate that into: are the kids well? The wife is part of the kids.

“You are quiet.”

It is a cry for help. Men ask that question because they are afraid that the person in the passenger seat has flown away to another place that is like bad cellphone coverage: not reachable. The husband is scared because his existence in society depends on his passenger. He puts his hand on her leg, then she regains her speech.

Keep your hands and eyes on the road. You don’t want us to get killed and make the kids orphans. Do you?

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.

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