Stolen Identity. None To Steal

Theft can only occur if there is something to steal. There were news reports from one country a few years ago, about thieves that only broke into homes to wine and dine. Well! Not wine. But they ransacked refrigerators, sat down and ate everything that could be eaten without cooking. They left a mess. That’s how owners knew about the uninvited guests.

As for my identity, it cannot be stolen because it is empty. It is also protected by my name. There is no thief dead or alive that can pronounce my name and I understand names are the bone structure of identity theft.

Bank Manager: What’s your name sir?

Identity Thief: My name is qo-ngqa……. (thief twists his tongue. It chokes him to death right there, on the bank’s marble floor).

Now, let’s surmise thieves can miraculously pronounce my name correctly, what will they find in my accounts? Nada. I don’t have a kobo to my name (Nigerian for penny/cent). I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time on possibilities and probabilities because hackers do their research. They stalk the victim, so to speak. They weigh the victim’s assets and liabilities. They study how often he uses his 8 gold and platinum credit cards and where. They have digital information on all his ‘online playgrounds’ that will give his wife a heart attack. That is why ignorance is bliss.

My identity is intact. The only thing thieves can steal are words and sentences I use to talk to my TOP 10 readers. Nothing else. I guess identity thieves are laughing at the idea that they would want to rob a shell company like mine. Or should we say shell bank accounts?

Nonqaba waka Msimang

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