Shopping? Leave Men At Home

Dragging men to the mall is not good for whatever is going on in the love department. I use the word love sparingly because Hollywood butchered it into bits and pieces: candlelit dinners, plastic roses (Nigerian movies) and compulsory engagement rings whether men can or cannot, afford them.

Shopping is a group exercise-for-two and men resent it. For them real group exercise is with the boys. They think shopping is a waste of time because we don’t pick and pay. We touch, inspect, measure, imagine, assess, do a test kitchen (try it on) and coloring. Yes color is a must. Will these match what I have at home?

First of all, there’s no need to take men shopping because we have drivers. Ourselves. We have bank managers. Ourselves. Shopping bag carriers. Ourselves. Shopping is torture for men and don’t take my word for it. Just think back. Have you ever seen a man smile while trooping behind his wife? Oops! Let’s assume she is. No smile. All that is left is for men to wear T-shirts with the message: Here Against My Will.

Shopping malls have benches or leather sofas for a reason. Resting. It’s for us to rest, after spending all that money. It’s not a human parking lot, but who do you see sitting there? Men on their phones, texting their illegals the British call, ‘a little bit on the side’ complaining how SHE ‘dragged’ him to the mall. Things are bad when your husband calls you ‘she’ to strangers.

Of course we love men. Sometimes, they are so adorable. That’s why we love spending our own money, shopping and doing lunch with the girls, afterwards. It minimizes boils in the relationship. Yes indeed, very healthy. We can fight about other things, not money. That is too cancerous. Men should remember the happy ending to shopping. Which is? Trying on clothes at home. No touching honey, appreciation only.  Not that our darlings ever listen.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

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