Tweets Are Hazardous To Health

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Barack Obama and baby talk. Don't own a cellphone if you want to be U.S. President one day. LOL.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

President. Prime Minister. German Chancellor.

Then you cannot have a cellphone. Ten year-old kids with such lofty dreams will find it hard to understand how a cellphone is an obstacle to the White House, Canada’s Sussex Drive, the German Bundeskanzlerant, or Pretoria.

Parents will then explain that in addition to video games, cellphones contain a porcupine called the internet, where they can send photos and videos, ‘like’ and share with the whole world what they see, and even send comments.

The porcupine has thorns to look pretty, but the main reason is protection. Even the mighty lion doesn’t think porcupine when it wants a snack.

Parents will try and make kids understand that all the cellphone ‘fun’ up to when they vote and run for office, might be thorns that will bleed political ambition. There is a legal age for driving. What is the legal age for owning a cellphone?

You want to be the next president or prime minister? No problem, but you’re also giving the Party permission to pluck your feathers to see if you have any lice. It has to. If your Party’s handlers don’t, opposition parties will.

Plucking your feathers means analyzing every tweet you’ve ever sent and dropping it into voting boxes: indigenous affairs, gender, race, labour, immigration, eating meat or not, education, climate change, tax cuts or no tax cuts, voter suppression, pro-Chinese or anti-Chinese, the list goes on.  It can include the following.

1. What you wore on Facebook when you were 15. Maybe it was a T-shirt with Japanese writing. You didn’t know what it meant, but voters of Japanese origin know, and they don’t like it.

2. Your high school photos with a sports’ coach accused of sexual misconduct.

3. Masks with slogans, you wore during the Covid-19 pandemic.

4. Your Instagram photos with friends that ended up as right wing terrorists.

5. Your comments about Prince Harry’s daughter.

“But mom, this is harsh. It means no life. No phone, no life.”

By:  Nonqaba waka Msimang. 

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