Regret Personal Regret

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Yes. I do regret past decisions. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. I’m not talking about wrong turns I took that led to my current state. I plead guilty to all of them: loving the wrong people; financing dreams that became a debt nightmare; thinking that one good turn deserves another; and listening to Oprah.

Today’s blog is about the folly of believing in second hand smoke, if I can put it like that. Somebody didn’t like another person, passed it on to me then I treated that person badly. Misconception about people, stereotypes, grudges, generational hate are some of the things that made me treat people badly. Ignorance. That is what it was all about. If only I knew then, what I know now. I swallowed gossip and  disinformation, without chewing.  Example. Jilly says Tilly is bad. I run with it because Jilly is my friend. But, don’t get me started on the word friend. It hurts when you find out the person you call friend, calls you ‘someone I work with.’

I have few regrets now because I insist on arming myself with the full picture. You cannot brainwash me. Give me the information and let me be the judge. That is how I made the right choice between Sue, my friend from Hong Kong and her lover. Sue and I were students at a university in England. She graduated first and flew to New York for her Masters. She couldn’t stop talking about the J. School at Columbia and encouraged me to go there for my Masters.

I did. When I got there, she introduced me to her lover. Lover how? She said she was attracted to women. Haaawu!  She said she never told me because she could see that I was into brothers. I’ll never forget that. Three years in England and not a word because she didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Then disaster struck. Her lover fell for me although Sue told her I don’t rock like that. She thought I would like her because of the motherland Africa and Africa in America connection. We got on well politically, but I cut her off because she was hurting Sue. That is one decision I don’t regret. Sue was my friend first, her sexuality was her business.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

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