Would You Want To Be U.S. President?

-

Hilary Clinton is proof that being the nice guy doesn't work. The bloodier, the merry. 
Look at Donald Trump. Seemingly, that's what Republicans want. 

I don’t know why anybody in their right mind would want to be president or prime minister. Donald Trump, that’s why he’s not in his right mind. More please, he’s says.

I’ve never wanted to hold the highest office in the land because I don’t like being caged, regulated. I was in solitary confinement for a year some years back. That’s why I have a phobia for a bunch of keys. It’s a reminder of the prison guard’s keys opening the cell, to slide plates towards me.

So you want to be the next member of parliament (MP), mayor, governor or congress woman? No problem. Just check the cupboard first, because skeletons have the uncanny ability to miraculously add meat to bones, inject a voice and expose your dirty past. 

‘But I was young and foolish.’ YouTube millionaires have kicked that notion to the curb. Try another excuse. Past history also becomes the present when what you did during Spring Break in Miami or Mexico many years ago, makes its way to Twitter, complete with interesting photos.

Forget about privacy. You walk around with a calculator and a scale because you must count and weigh your words. Also remove words like 9-5, weekends and vacation from your vocabulary. Coffee with your cousin who bleached her hair yellow, might be turned into a question. Who’s the blonde?  You cannot pick your noise in public, no matter how itchy. There’s always a live camera around. You cannot disagree with your husband at a cocktail party for the same reason.

Cellphones have replaced air.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Elections And Political Bullies

-
Image
Forget democracy.   It should be called political bullying. We are watching it in the prelude to the Canadian election on the 19 th of October, 2015.   Americans have also started their political bullying for the looming presidential election next year. So many trees wasted on books about democracy.   Some countries have big budgets for invading other countries ‘ to defend democracy’ but it is seldom practised in campaigning for elections.   Calling opponents names and printing flyers attacking each other is behaviour that will not be tolerated in kindergarten, but it is all legal, in campaigning.   It is irritating and such a let-down to the whole notion of democracy.   Grown-up men and women behaving like Grade One kids. It is also misleading because many voters believe it is real hatred.   Don’t let that fool you.   These politicians play golf together, attend the same dinner parties, eat and drink at the same social events, share jokes and cut deals in parliament.   They
Read more

Comfort Food As Regret Food

-
Image
Chicken curry. Comfort food is good for the soul, which usually bleeds in winter from icy roads, bad drivers that want to annihilate pedestrians, frozen fingers and toes that take a sabbatical.   What happened to my toes?   I thought I was wearing special socks for boots? We therefore have a right to comfort food which throws doctors’ orders out of the window and has no loyalty to calories.   No calculator on the table, thanks very much.   Piece of bread 5 calories, half a banana 10 calories, sugar-free cheesecake 2,000 calories.   Ah! Ah!  We only live once. Naw!   Comfort food is old school food with its compulsory second helping.   It involves licking fingers and giving a big sigh, about the good life, which is shelter, food, love and debt.   The problem is the zip.   The jeans remind you that comfort food can also be called you will regret food .   Home sweet home is even sweeter in winter after surviving blowing snow and bumper to bumper traffic. What is more welcoming th
Read more

Einstein Passengers

-
Image
Being a passenger is very stressful.   You must listen to the owner of the car, nod and grumble yes to everything he says because you don’t want to piss him off. Two things can happen if you disagree with the driver: he can lose concentration and you all end up in a mash-up accident or stop the car and ask you to get out.   That is the driver’s prerogative.   You must listen to me if you are a passenger in my car.   Let’s flip the script for a minute and sympathise with the driver if she has a passenger who is more intelligent than Albert Einstein. He talks non-stop.   It is all about himself, how right he is, how good he is, how stupid his boss is. Einstein is also a driving instructor.   “Careful.   Look at that guy.   Is he crazy or something? ” says Einstein. Einstein is the unofficial pilot.   He presses imaginary brakes in the passenger seat when the driver stops abruptly for a guy who is texting on his bicycle. A certain Einstein took it to another level.   S
Read more