Family Things Left Unsaid

Thanksgiving is about certain sounds and food that titillates the nose. It’s about smiles that flood the room when familiar faces see us or kids new to the world waggle towards us. It’s also about creases in other faces, because of old wounds and things left unsaid last Thanksgiving, last Christmas, last family funeral or last wedding.

Things unsaid, are not said to keep the family together because voicing them resurrects previous misunderstanding. We don’t talk because hatred has the upper hand. That is how it feels sometimes. Hatred ought to be out there at work or public transport, not in one room, full of framed photos on the mantel or parents’ old bedroom.

Talking about parents, let’s say mom died first. Dad left a will which caused the never-ending resentment. How could he leave the family home to my unmarried sister, instead of me, the first son? The old man is not here to answer questions but maybe he knew that she was going to live in it, so that everybody could come home for Thanksgiving and other holidays. Maybe he knew that his first son, hates that part of the U.S. so much, he never returned after college, just one-day flying visits for funerals.

Personal choices are also responsible for things unsaid. We don’t talk about them because they come out as criticism, when it is concern for wrong choices brothers and sisters make.  Sometimes we have obvious scars like black eyes and throat marks. Most of the time, we wear a permanent mask of an abused soul. We are helpless because our flesh and blood doesn’t want to talk about it, so it becomes one of the things left unsaid.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Executive Blogger.