Snoring Grounds for Divorce?

I don’t snore.

Right! It’s no laughing matter because some couples end up in the divorce court for alleged snoring. It is an allegation because the accused seldom plead guilty, of the misdemeanor. Does snoring fall under criminal law, civil law, commercial law or blanket human rights?

I don’t snore, does not make sense because it means you know what happens to you when you are asleep. You are sleeping but you can hear what is happening around you i.e. you don’t hear any snoring going on.

Snoring is not, like taking a selfie. You cannot be the subject and the photographer simultaneously. You can only be sure that you don’t snore if you put your phone under the pillow and hit the record button. Sweet dreams! You replay the tape in the morning and give it to your sleeping partner who is constantly accusing you of snoring.

You accuse me of snoring right? File for divorce. Your lawyer asks for evidence. You don’t have it. The lawyer says I defend the indefensible, but I can’t take your case. Unbelievable, because lawyers will do anything for the mighty dollar, including murderers that hate women.

What you don’t tell your lawyer is that the marriage has uninvited guests, worms everywhere, in the foundation, walls and window sills. That is why one player is snoring, the other is wishing for some quality time.

The deprived become very bitter because the best time to go down on things is when the sun goes down with kids asleep, mother-in-laws asleep and phones switched off. It was problem during the pandemic lock-down. The government cannot fix it. The priest or rabbi cannot fix it. Google cannot fix it, but you can.

‘Oooh! Isn’t he cute when he’s asleep?” Our mothers and grandmothers did, before romantic dinners, Valentine’s Day and Hollywood’s blemish-free male.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.