Nonqaba said ...

After the divorce, friends don't return calls. They think it's contagious. We used to be in the public eye because of our husbands. Now we are anonymous. 1. After the divorce, we cut the hair short and let nature take its course, go grey, like real grey with no rinse. 2. After the divorce we say:  I’m Ellen.’  We don’t want to remember the conceited self that insisted on being addressed as Mrs. Percival-Wallis. 3. After the divorce, we cart the Cole Haan shoes, the Louboutins, Kate Spade handbags, cashmere coats, pearl earrings and gold watches to the Salvation Army. The pile includes $4,000 sunglasses we used, to hide our famous faces. We tried donating hats that look like Kate Middleton’s, but second hand stores like Value Village do not accept them. They say there’s no demand for them. 4. After the divorce, we wear long  batik  and  ankara  dresses. They are roomy to hide the extra weight. We stopped going to health clubs. We couldn’t stand the pity, from our ‘friends’ who a

Canada Day or July Fourth, chicken on the grill or the oven. Stores can sell half chickens if there's a demand. Rotisserie chicken? It looks good turning around, doing some gymnastics, but let’s say I don’t want the whole chicken. No problem. They sell half. If they can do that, why don’t they sell raw chicken in halves? The question comes to mind every time I see a lazy chicken. Lazy chicken? Yes. They call it spatchcock chicken, flat on its tummy. The store usually covers it with all kinds of spices or sauces. I’ve never seen a plain one, with no make-up or lipstick. What can I say? I don’t buy spatchcock chicken for the simple reason that I don’t eat what I cannot pronounce, thanks very much. Anyway, if they can sell ‘lazy’ chickens, surely the butchery can sell halves. They would be easier to grill. The under-belly will be well-spiced. Roasting a whole chicken is time consuming and it is a keep-your-fingers-crossed situation. Should I roast it open plan or wrap it in foil? Ther

Establishing shot. If making a movie, I can't have a talking scene here. You won't  hear  what they are saying. Give that boom pole a rest. Dialogue scenes are for close ups and medium shots. I need a personal tech guy, whose only job would be to disable commands from my devices. I don’t like machines telling me what to do. I went out early this a.m. to shoot some pics before the sun misbehaves. I take after great Nollywood movie directors like Chidi Anyanwu Chidox. They shoot after the rain, early morning and in the evening, when the sun has gone to bed. I digress. Where was I? Yes. My personal tech guy. I was not a happy photographer this morning. I was busy taking pics and the phone kept giving me instructions: ‘take a better pic.’ It is talking to the wrong person because I know photography basics. I move around, shoot from at least three angles. There’s always an establishing shot, which ‘establishes’ where I am: carnival or protest march. I get medium and close up shots i

Garbage in Canada, chairs in Africa. It could also be carved into a giraffe for tourists. Basic mathematics. An arm + chair = armchair. It’s not that straight forward. It’s like the chicken and egg riddle. Which is older? We shall never know the answer because nature locked everything in the egg shell. It had to, because of a force more destructive that a volcano and floods. Which is? Human beings. I don’t know the difference between sofas and armchairs. All I know is that you can sit on the arm of the armchair. This reminds me of Tessa, a colleague and what she did during a fire drill. She didn’t like me. I don’t know why because I sat quietly at lunch while she and her cousins spoke their language. They were born on an island where Canadians and Americans go for scuba diving and suntan, but islanders leave for Canada and America as soon as they turn 18. It’s because of the exchange rate. Dollars they send to their parents are multiplied, when changed into local currency. Tessa sat on

VOA the propaganda radio, owned by the U.S. government, used to be popular in Africa and other regions before the internet. What is propaganda? I’m not part of the British royal family that speaks English so I consulted the online Cambridge dictionary. It defines propaganda as: “a word that describes information or ideas spread to influence people’s opinion, often with bias or deception." Does that include pure unadulterated lies? I don’t think so, but propaganda has been on my mind, since the U.S.A. announced that it will hold a presidential election on November 5, 2024. America is a master in smooth propaganda. Ask any one in Africa who listens to the radio and the Voice of America  (VOA)   in particular. We grew up mad at the BBC because British kings and the navy colonized us then called us poor. We looked up to America, the ‘clean’ role model. We used to believe in that far away country where democracy reigned and everyone was free to practice their religion and non-religion.

ESPN's   Stephen A. Smith, from being on air (radio) to being in front of the camera, to behind the camera as producer. Just another day at the office. Photo Credit: Online pic. We work for a variety of reasons. Money obviously, because the bank licks its fingers every month waiting for mortgage (bond) payments, interest on the mortgage, car payments and credit card payments. We also work because we love what we do, what we studied in college or experience we acquired from working in SPARES, all the way up to assembling cars or computers. The problem is the boss. Sorry, team leader is the word, I believe. The boss sometimes forgets that work is not his house. It is a space governed by company rules and labor laws found in most countries. Unfortunately, they cannot control human nature. The boss likes some workers, hates others and it has nothing to do with productivity. The boss violates workplace rules when he treats the workplace like his home. It ends up with workers doing nanny

Once upon a time in Victorian England, servants in castles and manors washed petticoats and cotton sheets by hand, hung them out to dry and ironed them with irons full of hot coal. I guess that is where the word ‘iron’ comes from. It’s 2024 and we have electric irons now. No more cotton and coal irons. Some people don’t even have irons, because one of the joys of living in cold countries is hiding things. We hide crumpled shirts and t-shirts under those heavy coats. We take them off when we get to work or class without qualms. Everybody is crumpled. Crumpled is the norm. It has even reached fashion houses in Milan, Hong Kong, N.Y. and L.A. Fabrics are another reason why we don’t iron clothes. Most of what we wear doesn’t need ironing because fabrics are a mish-mash of synthetic fibers. Some fabrics have the label ‘cotton blend,’ but don’t expect me to believe it, the same way I don’t believe the label ‘extra virgin olive oil.’ I cannot prove it. What I believe though is that some cloth

How many pasta designs do they have in Italy? Must fly to Rome one of these days. Online information which is as abundant as a room’s natural noise, robs kids of their inheritance: parental wisdom. Young people know more than their parents because they are the largest consumers of print and video online content, facts, figures and fake news. The joy of fiction is the discovery that mothers, the world over, tend to have the same wisdom, based on experience. Parental handbooks might vary here and there because of culture and religion, but overall, they are the same. Mama had such a handbook she used to raise us. The first wisdom on the list is based on how ama-Zulu lived on their vast land, before the British invasion. There were no hotels, let alone trains or buses. Travelers used to knock on the next available homestead and ask for a place to sleep. They were given food and shelter. Their hosts could be the ones knocking on someone’s door, somewhere else in the future. That was the uni

Writers are scared of going out. They cook up all kinds of excuses to reject invitations. Q:  How are you doing? How’s work? A:  Bad. I haven’t written a sentence all week. Q:  Have you ever thought of getting a real job? See. People who don’t write don’t understand, especially those we live with. That is why writers should take a break from anonymous Twitter and meet face to face with other writers in their city, to give the car some gas that will kick writers’ block to the curb. How about cooking? After all, writing is about mixing ingredients, steaming, stir-fry, boiling and pushing something in the oven to come up with an attractive read. Writers’ Cookouts They should have writers’ block cooking marathons where they cook rice and beans, hard grits, roti, paella, lasagna, Scottish haggis, Chinese dumplings, roast chicken, quiche, Japanese ramen noodle soup anything, that will take their minds off the writers’ block. Ordinary people are not sympathetic to writers’ block because writi

Manitoba Province. Carla Compton won the Tuxedo by-election for the NDP, a party associated with workers' rights.  Tuxedo, a rich area of 'old money' had voted Conservative since the beginning of time. Photo Credit: Online pic. Let me explain Canada's system of government first, before I get into the nitty-gritty of this blog. 1.  Governor General of Canada. Justin Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada. No, he is not the head of state. King Charles 111 is, because he took over as the ‘Canadian Monarch’ after his mother Queen Elizabeth passed away. Canada was a British colony and chooses to remain in the British monarchy ambit. The office of the Governor General, represents King Charles 111 in countries such as Canada. 2.  Prime Minister. He is the political head and is based in Ottawa, where Canada’s Parliament (House of Commons) is situated. Prime Ministers are the result of general elections, held every four years. 3.  Premiers. They are the political heads of the 1

Where there are human beings, there’s knowledge. Otherwise, they will perish if they don’t know how to avoid devious crocodiles when crossing rivers, berries fit for consumption, hunt rabbits, embalm food for the winter, build houses and canoes from trees and ensure women give birth safely. The whole educational system is guilty of equating knowledge with books, questionable knowledge because it is based on views of a group of men and women, with a hidden agenda. At university, we were forced to buy books written by our lecturers, so it was written knowledge for profit. The danger with book knowledge is that it dates easily. Television is a case in point. It overtook books. We became so glued to the small screen, even kids had T.V. sets in their rooms. That is stale news. The internet is the new knowledge. Twitter has the monopoly of ‘breaking news.’ It’s ironic, but the internet might jolt us into reality, into going back into not just knowledge, but knowledge for survival. Currently,

Dwyane Wade, former NBA star and his son Zion Wade. He has legally  changed himself from boy-to-girl. He answers to Zaya Wade now. It has been called tradition or legacy for as long as I can remember. Queens had to give birth to sons, who will be king one day. Chiefs want wives to give birth to sons who will inherit the administration of villages. Tobacco and beer industrialists want sons to keep money in the family. How many  ‘Dad was a cop, I’m also a cop’  movies have you watched? Pastors want sons to be pastors. Actors want sons to continue the film dynasty. Example? Bollywood, the biggest film industry in the world. I wonder how they are coping with YouTube, which has put production tools in my hands and yours. In America, sports is the road to riches and fathers want sons to follow them to the basketball court, football stadium and baseball mounds. It happened way back when, before television and the internet brought it to our attention. Sons adore their fathers naturally, so it

The nose is very happy after winter outdoor exercises like walks or jogging, if pavements are snow free.  One of the first thing the body demands when you get home, is a good nose blow. That’s the only time when we think about it, as part of the exercise routine. We are acutely aware of the nose now, because of COVID-19 and masks. The nose does its thing which leads to throwing away disposable masks and washing cloth ones. The nose loves outdoor exercise because it gets complete attention. How? It detoxes during that crisp morning winter air. Normally, the nose doesn’t get good reviews.  I have a runny nose. I’m tired of blowing my nose because of this flu. He cried his eyes out and his nose ran.  Not a good sight. The nose also gets bad vibes from wealthy people who don’t like their noses. They pay somebody to ‘fix’ them surgically. It’s hard for me to understand though, because nature was not on drugs when it put the whole face together. I can’t believe how perfect I am. During exerc

What is the black church? It is still a topic of discussion after Donald Trump’s visit in mid-June, to 180 Church, a white church in Detroit, mainstream media, labeled as black. Book review:  Church folk Author:  Michele Andrea Bowen “Everything, as far as Essie was concerned, had that universal church-folk-banquet quality to it. The only thing that distinguished this banquet from any other was the reason why they were here - to find out who the bishops wanted to join them in the ranks of the episcopacy. When the last tables served were finishing dessert, the current senior bishop walked onto the stage. …………………. “Lord, this has been such a blessed evening,” he began. “How many of you sitting out there looking all dressed up and pretty would agree with me? Raise your hands if you do.” Everybody raised their hands. “And you know something, church? There ain’t nothing prettier than these lovely little ladies sitting before us all perfumed and silked and satined in their pure white for us

Books are predictable because publishers insist on putting them in drawers: spices, knives and forks, pots and pans, kitchen towels etc. T hat is why the novel Duplicity  is a breath of fresh air . It’s a  suspense thriller jointly written by Newt Gingrich and Pete Early .   T he fictitious U.S. President is a woman, Captain Brooke Grant is African American, her uncle is the Joint Chief of Staff and the terrorist  is  an American of Somali descent, seduced by online religious fanaticism.   I wasn’t expecting such a cast because  publishers  have the  propensity to cubbyhole books into genres: romance, thriller, sci-fi, chic lit etc.  Characters are also predictable. Sliding fiction in appropriate drawers dampens the creative side, if the genre demands that there must be a murder, a car chase and men in a van staking a joint. Authors try to resist the required script, but agents and publishers convince them that it is the only Autobahn   to book sales. After all, they write to be read.

Steve Bannon, a man against his own country. In prison, he will be assigned orange, the color of his ilk. Steve Bannon will save a tidy sum of money when he's incarcerated, because he will be a guest of the American people. INCARCERATION BENEFITS Laundry . He won’t worry about buying detergent and softener for the washing machine, or buying points for his laundry card if he lives in an apartment. He will wear orange, the incarceration color, Hollywood made famous. Employment . He will be assigned a job, probably in the prison gym, cleaning up sweat left by men who rule the roost in prison. He’ll enjoy being a janitor because he is used to cleaning up after Donald Trump. “I ain’t no snitch.” Something like that because he refused to respond to the 6 January 2021, House Committee. Prison hours . He did not go to boarding schools like British aristocrats or New York ‘old families’ so he doesn’t know what  Lights Out mean. He also doesn’t have a bedside table where he can put his old s

Steve Bannon, when are visiting hours? Steve Bannon’s bravado on 5 January 2021 when he gleefully told America about the upcoming ‘attack’ on 6 January, has paid dividends. He is going to jail, as in headlines full of B’s: B annon B ehind B ars. It rhymes baby, so it can’t be that bad. In fact, Bannon should look on the bright side. Which is? He will have so much content after four months, he will change his podcast and call it  Crime Doesn’t Pay . He will shave his head, which eliminates barber fees. He is going to lose weight, because he will be lifting weights, running track, running away from other boys who want to be friendly, and eating healthy. Believe it or not, American prisons are the best in the world, after Norwegian countries. You don’t want to be in prison in countries below the Equator. He will also have a lot of other boys waiting to make his acquaintance: the man who has eluded prison for almost two years because he has friends in high places, like the U.S. Supreme Cou

He's on lock down.  Are prisoners allowed to have cellphone? Which carrier do they use?  Old blog 25 January 2024 Donald Trump is not worried about attorney fatigue, because if one set of attorneys is exhausted, he hires another one, for all the nodes where he is belittling the American justice system. How is life in jail? Being in prison, incarcerated, doing time, being behind bars or whatever you call it, deprives you of home comforts, including the warm bed with your wife or girlfriend. I always cringe when I come across podcasts where ex-convicts talk about prison rape. In my small mind, that should be the #1 deterrent for not doing crime, especially murder. How is life in jail? Donald Trump will find out about steel, if he is convicted. Nothing personal. Ask men serving time in Georgia, because they were accused of violating RICO law, found guilty then thrown in jail. What I remember about prison is steel, or is it iron? The gates are steel, the toilet basin is steel and the p

I'm running for president but I also have a side hustle. Sneakers. Below is an old blog, 24 February 2024, podcast interview. Podcast Host : Donald John Selfish Trump. Are these names on your birth certificate? Trump : Selfish is not. My political foes call me selfish, but I kinda like it. Podcast Host : How? It’s not complimentary. Trump : It is to me. I am selfish about saving America from corrupt judges and district attorneys.  I am selfish about saving an innocent man from the guillotine, just because he is fighting for the truth. He won the 2020 presidential election, but they anointed ‘sleepy Joe’ President. I am selfish about making things right and re-taking what’s rightfully mine. Podcast Host : Which is? Trump : The President of the United States of America. I’m selfish about that. My foes are so bent in breaking me, they are tarnishing the word ‘selfish.’ They are making it synonymous with me, Donald John Trump. I am not sel-fish like that. I’m not selling rotten fish no

Donald Trump and Alina Habba, one of his lawyers. “Defamation is a legal term that refers to any statement made by a person whether verbal or printed that causes harm to another person’s reputation or character .”  ONLINE SOURCE. Freedom of speech is cherished in America. It is also a magnet for citizens of other countries where dictatorship, religion and culture duck tapes the mouth. They leave and go and settle in America. I inevitably think about defamation of character, every time I hear former U.S. president Donald Trump accusing Joe Biden, the current President of being on drugs when he speaks in public. It was initially dismissed as sour grapes, after Biden’s stellar rendition of the state of the union . Now it is clear that Donald Trump was pouring cement for a house of defamation which has gone up to roof level, because of the 27 June debate between the two men. Biden will be representing the Democratic Party. Trump will be representing himself. It is defamation of character t

July 1 is Canada Day. Do shopping early to avoid crowds. It's a long weekend and everything is closed on Monday. Especially if kids are multiplied this weekend. You don't want to run out of food now, do you? Lovely day today. I wish it could be clear skies like this on Canada Day, the national holiday on July 1. Let’s add up, my wish + millions = one wish, of all Canadians. What kind of math is this? Patriotic math. We wish for clear skies because most celebrations take place outside, the sun on our arms and grass or waves under our feet. Canada Day also means some members of the family will wake up early to go to the park or beach, to ‘secure a spot.’ Government workers wish for clear skies because public Canada Day celebrations are funded by governments of the 10 provinces. Canada also has three territories. Contractors that set up stages, provide chairs, set up kiddies’ play areas etc. definitely look forward to clear skies. Police are assigned to public celebrations to ensu

NO CASH ON PREMISES I didn’t know that some businesses still have that sign on the door. I saw one yesterday. It looked like a showroom for car parts, not a store or drugstore robbers could hold up with guns, and tell cashiers to empty the till. No cash on premises. I found it strange because we were discouraged from using cash money, as one blues singer called it. He sang about it because money is physical. You can touch it, count it and stack it. Kids call it racks. That would be stacks and stacks of money I guess. Now, let’s look at a hypothetical situation. A robber drops by for an unofficial visit. He is greeted by the sign: NO CASH ON PREMISES. Will he shrug and try next door? I don’t think so. He will probably tell them to remove the sign, because he and his ilk have a new place of business. Which is? The internet. You might be wrong. How? Maybe the sign is for potential customers who have bulging wallets because of $20 and $50 denominations. Such customers will need change, if

Photo Credit: Online pic. I forgot my common sense in Banff, Canada. There are consumer protection laws in most countries, but it’s up to us to activate common sense at all times. When it is on vacation indefinitely, consumer protection groups come in and explain how ‘free’ credit cards work, free because we did not apply for them. They are ‘miracles’ from banks saying, we are pre-approved for an overdraft, a house or a car. We can say no, decline ‘free’ things. We don’t. I don’t know why we accept them. We sound like one actress who said she went out with a guy because he asked her. That means she had no offers before him. Common sense should say:  Bank-man, I don’t need a car or a house, thanks very much . Alternatively, we should remind banks that fraud is illegal. It is tantamount to fraud because banks and the government are in cahoots. They share information. Banks then use it for their grab-grab schemes. They know our take-home pay. Let’s say $1,500 a month. How then do I qualif

Fast and Furious  action films are like the tortoise, compared to screeching online advertising on mobile phones and all electronic devices. Traditional advertising places things on display: in magazines, newspapers, television, radio, billboards, t-shirts, street lights, buses, park benches and bus stop shelters with the hope that consumers will remember the product when it is time to buy detergent or paint. Online advertising threw out the gentleman act. They are in-house, in your phone, 24/7. Buy this or else. Commands.  Demands. Deadlines. Get rewards. Get more points. Get cashback.  Everyday instructions, in fact, condescending instructions. For example, people who don’t like going to the movies should not be accused of not using their debit or credit card points. It’s like being taken to the principal’s office for wearing a blue, instead of the school uniform’s white shirt. Online advertising dances to its own music, outside standards set by advertising bureaus found all over the