Men Dread Mall Trips

Couples don’t hold hands like Prince Harry and his wife in shopping malls. It’s the man following the woman, as she does courtesy calls on various stores, especially those with clothes she cannot afford.

Men’s faces tweet the feeling: when are we going home? No. You can’t go home. You’re not a baby. Men are forced to follow us from lingerie to shoes, though they tend to linger in lingerie.

If their sulking becomes unbearable, we park them on those quilted seats the mall provides. I’m sure you smile when you see such a group of men. So, why do they accompany women to the mall at all?

Money. No. Most women swipe or tap their own cards. They work. They have businesses. They are not like women in vintage movies who took hubby shopping because he had to pay for the new coat or pressure cooker.

There are two reasons why we subject the poor souls to shopping. Public opinion. We must be seen together. One colleague in Ontario got married because she wanted to be seen with a husband. I still cannot figure out that one.

The second reason is the length of shopping time. It can take two or three hours, even more if I force him to lunch at that new restaurant, located in the old Sears building. If he’s with me, I know exactly where he is.

In the attempt to control human beings called partners, we forget that absence makes the heart go fonder. Men who invite the boys over for a BBQ while the wife goes shopping, start checking cellphone clocks when she’s gone for five hours. 

Where are you? They text every five minutes. Human anxiety. Like us, men are scared we might leave them.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.