The Friendship Referee
They are found in a circle of three or more friends. Hollywood has a script cast in stone. The main character has four friends and she is the validator. She validates what each member says or does. Two friends are simple. No validator there. The dominant friend leads, the timid one follows. In most cultures, the man talks, the wife nods or says ‘Yes dear.’
Three or more friends need a validator to cement the friendship despite obvious and latent differences. They are always there because of human nature and the ‘i’ element, and we are not talking about the iPhone.
A conversation is going on. Does industrial waste pollute the air? If it does, who cares? Is climate change responsible for coronavirus? There is no scientist in this circle of friends but we have opinions about it, thanks to Google, which has made all of us clever. Are we?
It’s only natural. We think our view of the world is the correct one. We take it personally if someone challenges it. We say she is stubborn, she thinks she is clever. We don’t say it to her, but report her to the validator, who then sorts it out and finds a way to mend broken friendship fences.
There is no ballot box for validator. It just happens. She becomes the sounding board, listens and mediates. Funny enough, nobody complains about her, which makes her perfect. Wrong! There is no perfect human being or human baby (new mothers will challenge that).
The validator dreads the phone call which starts with, ‘Guess what your friend did?’ Trouble, because we all belong to the circle. We are all friends. A good validator possesses the glue called ‘we’ that neutralizes the ‘i’. She uses it when the friendship is threatened by envy and insecurity.
Most of all, the validator understands that friends are like a six-pack of soda, they are all the same but different and they need each other. She has one rule though, never write anything bad in a text or email about another friend, because it can be forwarded to god knows where.
Nonqaba waka Msimang
Executive Blogger
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