New York Teddy Bears Angry

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Teddy bears will one day hold protest marches in New York City to demand their traditional role in child upbringing. That’s absurd. They are not human beings. They can’t talk, walk, or understand traffic lights and they definitely cannot hold placards above their heads. They can. It’s America. It’s New York City. Anything is possible.

Teddy bears will be marching against artificial intelligence and images shown on mummy’s cellphone screen. It’s not a real teddy bear. It’s a digital teddy bear with a computer voice. It was not always like that. Babies used to be silenced with a dummy and a teddy bear. They sucked the dummy reluctantly while wishing their mouths were free so that they could tell their parents, how they were feeling about the world they were dropped in a year ago. The dummy suppressed the syllables and babbles that were itching to come out.

Teddy bears were a better alternative to sucking a pacifier. They were soft, not as soft as mummy’s breasts, but soft nonetheless. Teddy bears were a better alternative because they liked their role as proxy parents. Babies held on to teddy bears and even drifted off to sleep holding them. Babies would have preferred sleeping in the same bed as their parents, but could not. It is barbaric. Besides, mom and dad wanted quality time, which they hadn’t had since baby arrived.

Teddy bears will be marching against cellphones because kids are pacified with tablets and iPads. Cold steel. Very bad for babies, but who cares? Mummy is too busy following the Will Smith-Tupac-Jada Pinkett Smith triangle.

Most of all, teddy bears will be marching about travel. They used to keep babies company in the car, headed for grandma’s place or Disney, before Ron DeSantis, the Florida governor running in 2024, to be the next U.S. President, initiated the fight against Mickey Mouse and his siblings.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Executive Blogger

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