Asparagus Broccoli No Humour

-

Would you like to come to dinner on Sunday? I'm making something special. What is it? Asparagus and broccoli casserole. No. I'll pass. I just remembered Grandma is coming to town.

Wake up baby girl! Go to school. Learn how to count. Learn your alphabet. I’m not a little baby but I’m partial to food, so let’s re-visit the alphabet, shall we?

Asparagus

Broccoli

What do we have here? A and B. It’s not my language, but if I had my way, I’ll remove asparagus and broccoli from the English alphabet. Why? Because cattle don’t eat them which means there’s something wrong in there. Remember they live on tasteless grass, chomping away in the picturesque hills of a land called KwaZulu. What is the problem? No taste. That’s why these vegetables are not in my shopping alphabet.

How about good looks? Love me for my good looks. None. I know the proverb, don’t judge a book by its cover, but these two have no cover. Dear asparagus, do you have a beginning and an end like corn or pumpkin? As for broccoli, it looks like a mistake, an accident, something brief like Donald Trump and former porn star Stormy Daniels. That resulted in the jury slapping him with 34 felony counts for cooking the books, in order to hide that encounter from voters, during the 2016 election.

On top of all that, asparagus and broccoli have no sense of humour. Zero. They don’t bring a smile to my face like tomatoes and bell peppers with different shapes and colours, I see in farmers’ markets.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Blogger Without Borders

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Elections And Political Bullies

-
Image
Forget democracy.   It should be called political bullying. We are watching it in the prelude to the Canadian election on the 19 th of October, 2015.   Americans have also started their political bullying for the looming presidential election next year. So many trees wasted on books about democracy.   Some countries have big budgets for invading other countries ‘ to defend democracy’ but it is seldom practised in campaigning for elections.   Calling opponents names and printing flyers attacking each other is behaviour that will not be tolerated in kindergarten, but it is all legal, in campaigning.   It is irritating and such a let-down to the whole notion of democracy.   Grown-up men and women behaving like Grade One kids. It is also misleading because many voters believe it is real hatred.   Don’t let that fool you.   These politicians play golf together, attend the same dinner parties, eat and drink at the same social events, share jokes and cut deals in parliament.   They
Read more

Comfort Food As Regret Food

-
Image
Chicken curry. Comfort food is good for the soul, which usually bleeds in winter from icy roads, bad drivers that want to annihilate pedestrians, frozen fingers and toes that take a sabbatical.   What happened to my toes?   I thought I was wearing special socks for boots? We therefore have a right to comfort food which throws doctors’ orders out of the window and has no loyalty to calories.   No calculator on the table, thanks very much.   Piece of bread 5 calories, half a banana 10 calories, sugar-free cheesecake 2,000 calories.   Ah! Ah!  We only live once. Naw!   Comfort food is old school food with its compulsory second helping.   It involves licking fingers and giving a big sigh, about the good life, which is shelter, food, love and debt.   The problem is the zip.   The jeans remind you that comfort food can also be called you will regret food .   Home sweet home is even sweeter in winter after surviving blowing snow and bumper to bumper traffic. What is more welcoming th
Read more

No Air Miles

-
Image
I don’t have Air Miles.   I’m considering putting that on a T-Shirt because I cannot go to the drugstore (chemist) or coffee shop without the cashier asking me if I have air miles. We waited for about two minutes the other day, while this guy looked for his Air Miles card in his overweight wallet.   For what?   For a few points. I don’t have air miles because Mathematics is a foreign language.   I was never good in numbers. That is why I squashed the idea of being an investment banker very early in life.   I understand you can invest in cornfields before the soil is turned up or pork bellies even before a baby pig is born. That is how I view air miles, investing in tomorrow or the unknown.   I’m the dumb one.   Some people understand this air miles’ thing so well, I overheard one customer saying: I can even convert my points into cash. Points and air miles are the same thing in Canada and the U.S.   Drugstores or clothing stores even give you a card to collect point
Read more