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“Is she your daughter? No. She’s my wife.

“Is she your housekeeper? No. She’s my mother-in-law.

“Is she your mother? No. She’s my younger sister.

The world is brittle now, so we must think twice about comments we make to people we know, but not that well. It’s obvious I don’t know the man with a young wife very well. Otherwise, I would know that he’s on his third marriage, with yet another a young wife. And the mother-in-law? The man married outside his race and such a question assumes that women of a particular race are maids and servants. The question is insulting to both the mother-in-law, her daughter and the husband. The third question is about the size or how her sister looks. Some people have a pronounced bone structure, or is her sister overweight? That is subjective because what looks overweight to me, might be the essence of beauty in another part of the world.

Either way, these three questions are taboo. We should look, speculate about things, but keep our mouth shut. Information will be volunteered, if the people concerned feel we are worthy of getting it. It is not compulsory. If they don’t volunteer it, it means we don’t have the right to know. It can bruise the ego, but we are not important as we think.

The world is brittle now. We used to live in cultural, religious and economic nodes with their own etiquette. Not anymore. They have been mashed up and people are prone to being insulted, offended. Besides, it’s none of my business, so why ask these questions?

Nonqaba waka Msimang

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