When Mom Re-Marries

Our grandmothers stayed in painful marriages for the kids. They never revealed our grandfathers' bad side. 

“I’m getting married.” 

Such a group email or direct message will definitely freak out your kids, but be aware of unpleasantness.

“Why?”

“Mom, you too old for that.”

“He wants dad’s money.”

“Did you check his past?”

“Mom, are you O.K.? You haven’t been yourself lately.”

The best part will be your phone. They will blow it up with demands and threats. These are kids that don’t return your phone calls. If they do, they speak for five minutes and have to dash somewhere because they are extremely busy or they were out of town on business. They think you are too dumb to know about cellphone roaming. To freak them out even more, send a second group e-mail that you’ll only answer all their questions in person. Choose an up-coming long weekend.

The above questions are painful for any parent because it implies parents are imbeciles. What kind of a question is WHY? You will not tell your friend, she is too old to get married, but you tell your mother. Then, there’s the money matter. It is insensitive for a child to talk about his dad’s money because mothers used to sit on secrets, to protect the family. Mothers used to stay in marriages for the sake of their kids. Some mothers take them to the grave, to protect the name of a reluctant father.

No, you are not getting married. You just want the kids home, for some ground rules. Respect. Even if they don’t love you, they should accord you some respect with little things: return your calls and tell you when they get promoted or their business wins the contractor of the year award. You should not hear it on Facebook, Tik Tok or podcasts.

Dedication: This blog is dedicated to my mother. I didn’t know Mother’s Day meant a lot to her, until she told me her church members arranged a Mother’s Day for themselves. I’ve never cared for Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day. We were in South Africa and I dismissed them as days of white privilege and money. Mama thought otherwise. I never knew that African church women would be interested in something in Mother’s Day.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Blogger Without Borders