Bragging Selfies

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Dating in the age of selfies is detrimental to marriages and other me-and-you situations. That’s why there should be a selfie pre-nuptial contract, where the lovebirds agree on where and when selfies should be snapped.

The sun was out today so we flooded the streets. We were waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Cars are permitted to turn right on Broadway, but they must come to a full stop, check left for oncoming traffic, then turn right if it’s all clear. Very good driver, he did that but he didn’t know he was carrying an ambush selfie practitioner. She grabbed the opportunity and snapped a me-and-him selfie. It’s a me-and-him because of the destination. Who is the audience for that selfie? Will it bring jubilation or chaos? Will it bring reconciliation or accusations of habitual lying? Will it cancel someone’s wedding?

Which brings us to the selfie prenuptial contract. Individual selfies are no problem because the love I have for myself is natural. That’s why I send the selfie to all corners of the earth. I don’t need permission for that, but I do if there’s someone else in the photo, like that conscientious driver who was following rules of the road.  No ambush selfies, must be part of the prenup. He didn’t know his passenger was going to pull that stunt. Slow down. You don’t know that. Maybe they talked about it and agreed that if such an opportunity avails itself, she must grab it.

The internet is a show boat. A promenade. A stage. Look at us, we’re wonderful, head over heels in love, but it’s also entertaining to see the person who was ambushed. “Smile honey.” I’m not making it up. A Christmas Fumble, my favourite NFL movie starring Eva Marcille and the moonlight fine Devale Ellis, has an ambush selfie scene.

Nonqaba waka Msimang

Blogger Without Borders

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