Floss Before The Kiss

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In Italy, Roman Catholic Church cut off kissing scenes before showing movies.

There are two kinds of kiss, the natural kiss where toddlers suddenly kiss mummy on the cheek and the Hollywood kiss.

There’s great excitement in college hallways when girls give a run-down of the first date. He kissed me. Girlfriends interrogate their friend about the electricity. How many volts? Were they wavy or straight like turning lights on? In the locker room boys have one question: Did you hit it?

The kiss is part of Hollywood’s romance legacy with I love you as the pilot. Boys share notes about the effectiveness of those three little words. Girls will do anything after hearing them. Unfortunately, they believe them.

BEFORE HOLLYWOOD

The kiss is not proof of love. Cultures all over the world have traditional ways of showing affection. Maybe I should say had, because it is in the past. AmaZulu, a people in South Africa, used a necklace made from plant beads called ucu.

Girls gave that to boys to say YES. This necklace ucu is in proverbs. The literal translation of the proverb, ucu aluhlangani, is: beads are not coming together for the necklace. I don’t want you.

The Hollywood kiss, which we use to measure love has a hidden secret. It can only take place in a clean environment. Clean sheets and bodies that just left the shower, but most importantly, the two participants must not have bad breath.

FLOSS BEFORE THE KISS

Teeth must be brushed and flossed regularly, especially before the ‘kiss’ commences. It is out of question in the morning, because the two participants have not brushed their teeth.

Because of YouTube movie producers, Hollywood is on its last legs but the Hollywood invention is forever. It is even ingrained in religious ceremonies. “You may kiss the bride,” said the priest to the groom.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang. 

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