Nonqaba said ...

Spring. Hmmm! All that rain but how many umbrellas have I lost in my half a life? I love the rain on the roof, river, in between branches and on the umbrella. I love spring rain but, and this is a big but, provided there’s no wind. It’s not funny seeing folks going round and round in circles trying to tame umbrellas that have been uploaded by the wind. An umbrella once made a fool of me and flew off my hand. I had two options, try and chase it or ignore it. I took the latter and let it hop on the pavement like a kangaroo. I did not know it. We’ve never met. I love rain. That is why I used to make umbrellas a fashion accessory, buy fancy ones with wooden handles and the cloth, the colour of my dresses. The problem was that I never had them for long because I forgot them somewhere, but where? The subway? Taxis? Buses? Restaurants? Shops? Post Office? I don’t remember finding an umbrella I lost. I would mourn it for a week or two then go back to that fancy store and buy another one with a

Miami Heat,  my second in command team  lost the 2022 Eastern Conference Finals to Boston Celtics. Bring out the Kleenex. My first team is Toronto Raptors of course. It's a Canadian thing. But generally, the most difficult part about being an NBA coach or player is handling the media. It decides on the story angle before they interview you. The angle could be: you were traded because you don’t get along with the coach and team mates, your butt has cramps because you’ve been on the bench half the season or you missed the throw that led to the team’s exit from the semi’s.  Be prepared. Question : You have been likened to Kobe Bryant, but this is the first time you’re in the playoffs. Answer : There’s always a first time. Question : Do you think you’re in the playoffs because you have a better coach now? Answer :  All my coaches were great and still are. Coach Dubious my present coach is just great, as you know. Question : Do you think you’ll be better next season? Answer : One season

Fish called basa. Cook onions and tomatoes in canola oil for 6m. Add basa steaks.  Cook in medium heat for 8m, Eat with baked beans chutney and steamed carrots. Garbage collectors don’t write books or post videos for obvious reasons. What they see is not pretty, and it is not only half-eaten pizza slices. Food waste is associated with year-end holidays, parties, family gatherings, conference food and other large scale events, but we also waste a lot of food at home because the choice is wide. There is no choice in times of war and history books are full of rationing stories, where families ate what was available. There’s more affluence now hence, the wide choice of food at our disposal. Speaking of disposal, self service is one of the reasons why we throw left-overs in the garbage. We absentmindedly put on our plates more than we can eat. Some families don’t have self service. Someone, usually the mother, dishes out the food, with kids getting smaller portions, or quantity they can fin

It’s a boy! It still brings a lot of joy for many reasons. The father is happy that his surname will live forever. The woman who just gave birth is happy that she has done her duty as culture demands. She sleeps peacefully with the false hope that the husband won’t marry a second wife, to bear him heirs. The government is happy, for the simple reason that it is more money.  The boy will grow up to be a man, who will also have kids, thus keeping the economy running. Future wars will also have soldiers that will die abroad for American and Russian interests. It’s a boy is also good news for other causes. Terrorist and hate groups prowl the internet looking for fertile minds to absorb murderous messages. Although girls are also recruited, boys are more independent at home. Parents don’t monitor them closely like girls. Baby boys are pliable because they grow up on stories about being a hero. Terrorist and hate groups sow disinformation. It might be the status quo. The government is bad or

Cookies are from technology, not the oven. It's part of tech language.  Photo credit, online pic. Education is for commerce, to enable kids to function in activities that put food on the table and money in the government wallet. That is why school subjects are discarded and new ones added. Once upon a time, universities taught Philosophy. Apparently, it helped in the thinking process, to reason logically. Latin was once a requirement for law students. What universities did not teach is that Philosophy had its origin in drawing rooms of the upper class, dukes, lords, earls and other titled men who had time on their hands. Men who have never had dirt in between their nails because they had servants. That is why they had time to ponder. Education is for commerce. That is why there are subjects like Computer Science and a whole industry called tech. In fact, technology runs the world. That is why you are reading this piece. Commerce depends on language. It was English, French and Spani

Banks are easing out bank tellers.    It seems to be pointing in that direction because they are not happy to see me these days.    Bank tellers from different banks have the same question every time I pay them a visit to check if dollars and cents I keep for safe keeping are still in the safe.    I have to.    They don’t make movies about bank heists anymore because bank robberies happen with ten fingers, digital robbers with laptops holed up in hotels for months, experimenting with passwords and sending  ‘You have won $30,000.’  messages. Do you do online banking? After that question, bank tellers continue to advise me how the banking needs that brought me to their counters could be done online.    Yes, online banking is something we have accepted rather reluctantly, but we use it.    However, there are certain things that send us to the branch, such as a third party wanting the bank’s stamp on a document, or transaction records with the stamp on every page. Pushing customers to onli

Hackers rent hotel rooms for months, doing business. Hollywood is in mourning. They cannot make bank robbery movies anymore. Robbery as a human condition is not going anywhere. Let’s just say it went online, which makes things difficult for Hollywood. Bank robbery movies were visual: the note THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY; shivering bank tellers reading them; robbers on stand-by at the door and guns on all tellers; tellers produce wads of green dollars; and the getaway car. That was the finale of the bank robbery. Hollywood is upset because of the camera. We all have cellphones and we are always making our own movies, mainly selfies. Bank robbers are online now, stealing from airlines, banks and online shoppers. Now tell me, where would Hollywood place the camera to capture the art of stealing? Laptops. That doesn’t make good visuals. There’s no motion, no panning of the camera and tight close-ups, just a young man typing furiously. For variety, Hollywood can have a scene where the mother tel

  ‘Our records indicate that we have not …….’ I will let your imagination finish the sentence. Experience actually, because you have also received such love letters from banks before, unless you are Meghan Markle, who had her own serious money before she got married, and still has. That’s why she should continue to wear whatever fashion designer she fancies. Back to the bank’s love letter. The records indicate I have not paid because I don’t have it, something I told the bank when it enticed me with the card that reflects my lifestyle. I resisted the offer because I have a life, not a lifestyle.   Lifestyle is what people like Meghan Markle have. It’s a style that makes them clueless to the question ‘ How much do you have in your cheque account?’  $140.03. You know yours!!!  Welcome to the club, my club with members that know their bank balance so that they are not embarrassed at the drugstore/chemist when they swipe their cards for  cough mixture or nail polish. We know our bank balan

I have an English name because we could not go to school without a ‘Christian’ name. The Queen and her forefathers called us British subjects, and teachers told us Britain was ‘the mother country.’ The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee is a celebration of her reign over her tiny poor country made rich, by free gold and diamonds and agricultural bounty, stores like Harrods and Selfridges called fruits from the Empire . I have a Christian name because the baptism certificate could not have a ‘barbaric’ name. I had to be baptized, to be cleansed of all primitiveness and became a child of Jesus, the colonizing agent working in tandem  with land theft. This Jubilee is special to the Queen because she will be celebrating with her grand and great grandchildren. The British public might find it ‘ absolutely preposterous’  to learn that she also has millions more in Africa, the so-called dark continent. Preposterous or not, the fact remains that if her kids are Charles, Andrew, Edward and Anne, there ar

I played tennis because I used to follow Phumzile my cousin, to the  clay tennis court the city built below the bus rank. She looked so lovely and confident in her Wimbledon white dresses and tennis racquet. Phumzile also taught me how to play chess and how to pack my suitcase tight for boarding school. We grew up together because her mother and my mother are sisters. Cousins are the same blood ( igazi  in the Zulu language) through their mothers. You also call your mother’s sister ‘big mother’ or ‘small mother’, depending on age. The term auntie came with British colonization. My uncles’ kids are also my cousins. When you visit South Africa, you’ll hear people saying: Gaz’ lami, kunjani?  (My blood, how are you?) Older cousins consciously or unconsciously raise younger ones: relay what they know about the world; what Ma would not tolerate; clothes to wear for different events; guide them through changes in the body; explain customs and religion; walk them to school and help them with

Constructive exchange is the key. Immigration is a whole industry in Canada because it is a country that does not replenish itself. Women who have been here longer opt to have one or two kids or none at all. It is an industry because of the money the government invests in immigration programs. A lot of digital ink has been spent about stereotypes immigrants then and now face, especially language and cultural bias. What we seldom talk about are challenges organizations face as they help immigrants resettle in a new country. Resettlement workers are sometimes wary of immigrants. They don’t know what to say. An innocent question might be regarded as racist. For example, ‘Are you happy to be in Canada?’  might be taken the wrong way. Comments about what immigrants are wearing when resettlement officers welcome them to Canada might be perceived as offensive. People working in government offices or organizations that help newcomers are trained, obviously. They cannot make offensive comments

Murderer (18 years) shot dead 19 kids and 2 teachers in this Texas school. Increased security anywhere results in long lines, delays and impatience. We experienced that in March 2020 when the pandemic arrived uninvited. There were health measures all around, and we sometimes complained about the delay. Schools in the U.S. must be burning the midnight oil, thinking of more security measures after a shooter murdered 19 kids, 2 teachers and injured 17 other people at the Robb Elementary School in Texas, on 24 May. Some public schools in the U.S. already look like prisons. CCV cameras keep watch in every part of buildings. Therefore, how else can schools be further fortified? Cars. Schools have one main entrance into the building to enforce security, but most car parks are open spaces, like suburban shopping malls. This makes it easy for murderers to enter school premises. Possible solution? Schools can try and fence car parks, construct gates with electronic devices that can detect semi-a

Photo credit, online pic. Which countries make a lot of cameras? Japan and Germany I guess, but sales will go up if more people understood camera language. There are lots of numbers and capital letters e.g. XS 99200, which tell you when it was made. There are more numbers on the lens as you rotate it. This mathematics and alphabet mean something. It is about how to drive the camera, automatic or manual transmission. Well! It is automatic transmission in digital cameras. I have a cellphone like the rest of the world, but what if I win the Lotto and want to buy a stand-alone camera? I’ll go online and do camera shopping but I don’t understand the mathematics and alphabet. I was first introduced to it at Columbia University Journalism School. Great programme. You want to be a journalist? Then you better know everything needed to collect information for the story. That’s why we had a Photography class. My first camera was a Nikon, but I can’t remember the numbers and alphabet. I learned th

Ajay Devgn and Aishwarya Rai in Raincoat, a movie about the folly of looking for old love. Raincoat , an Indian film directed by Rituparno Ghosh , starring Aishwarya Rai and Ajay Devgn is a sad story about childhood sweethearts that never graduated to husband and wife. Two things I found in a vintage store recently, made me revisit this movie: an original hard cover copy of A Suitable Boy , written by Vikram Seth and old furniture. This novel  initiated me into Indian movies, but is is not about movies per se , but a miniature or life in India. However, that might not be correct because that country is massive, the second country with more human souls after China, the most populous country in the world. The old furniture in the store reminded me of a scene in Raincoat . In fact, the furniture is the story. Manu and Neeru grew up together. I can’t say they were in love because Manu did most of the emotional suffering. Why suffering?  Because he loved Neeru deeply, in a non-Hollywood way

You need to live in Canada to see what Britain did to First Nations. The British have a proverb: a man’s home is his castle. It is so precious, some ancient castles have moats around them for extra security. Africa and the Pacific did not have any moats, so the Royal Navy sailed in. It was followed by ‘red coats’ which killed indigenous people in battles like Impi yase Ncome , (Battle of Blood River) in South Africa. A man’s home is his castle, but not for black and brown people. The British Monarchy is white. It came across ‘uncivilized’ people. That is the reason why British kings stole their land and made them slaves. Britain has a body of law which applies to its citizens. It did not apply to ‘barbarians.’ That is why Britain regarded all those Commonwealth countries as ‘free land.’ Britain is celebrating the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee which is dubbed as ‘70 years of service.’ It is a year of service to theft that has made her one of the richest women in the world. Britain is a poor

Books initiate kids into reading. Some books have art shells kids fill in with colouring pens like crayons. Parents use books to induce sleep. Time flies and kids encounter more books in day care. The habit makes things easier when they start grade school because books are not a novelty. For how long? Digital has been a way of life for some time now and doesn’t look like it will take a break. Publishers must be in a quandary because i-Pads and phones are digital libraries. The only difference is that kids do not turn pages. They scroll down a screen. They can also enlarge photos with a touch of a finger. Devices have the advantage of motion or movement, which kids find fascinating. They are more likely to enjoy a video with all the fish swimming about, than a book on sea life. Sounds grim, but kids’ books will survive because of their sense of adventure. If mum and dad sit down and pretend to write something on a piece of paper, they will ask in baby talk to be involved. Give them a  p

Denzel Washington in Mo' Better Blues. Photo credit, online pic. I’m a wannabee writer under the delusion that one day, I will create  jazz on paper. I wish I was more adept at gently nudging characters to attention like the drummer in a jazz band tapping sticks that look like my grandmother’s yard broom, on the cymbals . The pianist nods and tickles some black keys, white ones or both. The arrogant saxophone doesn’t want to be left out and howls an amen, then a big thud from the upright bass guitar saying, you can’t leave me out of the conversation. So big, like a bear, with musical notes that hurt the ground with its footprints. I still don’t understand that instrument’s reason  in jazz, but it is part of the conversation. It ain’t like that, the trumpet pumped its objection. It is, it is, it is, said the piano keys. You got it all wrong inhaled the saxophone, grandstanding for ten seconds. There are two sides to the story, groans the bass, still upright. Yes indeed, says the dru

English is my second language. I’ve learn ed  to live with it because I need it to get around. What I’m still grappling with is the other English, the hiding English. There is no other way to put it. This English is used to camouflage things and not call a spade a spade because other gardening tools like the fork rake and hand shears will get upset. Hiding Behind Bushes English Straight Forward English Insufficient funds in your bank account. You’re broke. No money in your account. Cellphone charges will be adusted in 2020. Using your phone will go up 2020. Impaired driving. Drunk driving. They are alcoholics. They are drunks. Guest services in shopping malls. Customer service (I’m not a guest at the mall. I do eye-shopping and split). Correctional Services Prison/jail/lockdown. Security was compromised in the liquor store. Thieves broke into the booze store. Restructuring. Lay-offs. Firing workers. Industrial action. Strike action. Picketing. Team leader. Manager. Exercise: Add your o

Flooding. No humans allowed around the river. The sun and the moon are amused by what we are taught in higher primary, all the way to college. Knowledge is divided into subjects, which upgrade to courses at university. Some students take it to the next level and do Masters or Ph.D. programs. The sun and moon represent total knowledge. You ignore them at your peril. People called ama-Zulu  regard the moon as the midwife. That is why they call women’s monthly menstrual cycle ‘ enyangeni .’ Meaning? She is in the moon. It is a difficult concept to understand for people who live in countries controlled by Wi-Fi. American, British or French education is divided into currencies, things we ought to learn to function in a money society, based on the destruction of nature. We call it the economy. Nature saw the selfishness and the live-for-the-moment nature of man. That is why it has a backup plan. Nature made certain parts unavailable. That is why we have mountains, volcanoes, oceans, rivers,