10 Reasons for Cellphones

Mum and dad bond with baby.

Pic: Nonqaba waka Msimang.

People find conversation-creators irritating, very irritating. That is why it leads to the question: Don’t you have a phone? They just don’t understand why someone with a phone would want to talk to a breathing, smiling human being.

Boys tending cattle high up the Lesotho mountains, where the Lesotho Highlands Water Project dominates the scene, keep an eye on two things: the four-legged kids and their phones. They are on Facebook and YouTube.

Conversation-creators are enemies of progress because they interfere with our reason for living, which is being online. That is why we become suicidal when friends, lovers and haters switch off their phones. In fact it should be a criminal offence the world over, tried before the International Court of Justice (ICJ) at the Hague.

However, there are legitimate reasons for switching off your phone. You are at a meeting, driving or having a five minute quality time with the love of your life. No. It can’t be more than that. It will eat up the minutes you need for your online secrets and games.

But, the most un-legitimate reason (is that a word?) for switching off your phone cannot be tried in a court of law because it is personal.

I’m mad at you.
We are done. It’s over between us.
I’m doing a little something something with someone else.

Besides that, our phones are on. They must be on. It is the only way to avoid people who want to talk, conversation-creators. In fact, phones should have a ‘waiting’ mode because we use them for waiting. You see it all the time.

1. Guests waiting for the bride to arrive are all on their phones.

2. Groom waiting for the bride is on his phone, explaining to Joyce why she is not the bride.

3. Husband and wife waiting for waiters to deliver their food are on their phones.

4. Chef waiting for the steak to be medium cooked is on his phone. That is why your steak is well-done.

5. Kids and husband waiting for mum to serve breakfast are on their phones.

6. Beauty contestants waiting to be called on stage are on their phones.

7. Colleagues waiting for the main speaker at a trade conference are on their phones.

8. Airports. Flights are delayed so passengers wait and massage their phones.

9. Basketball/soccer fans waiting in line to use the bathroom at the sports stadium are on their phones.

10. Kids on the school bus are on their phones.

Life is one long wait, so why waste it by talking? My battery is dead.

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.