Nonqaba said ...

Measurements (abridged) don’t vex my behind with statistics from milan runways aerobics and bunmasters bathroom scales and diet drinks yours is to question my origin and when you do you ought to lie down at africa’s feet to thank her for the genius which is my behind © Nonqaba waka Msimang

Repair is - khanda in Zulu. I-khanda , which means the head, featured in a previous post.   This lesson is the verb -khanda .   Something is broken.   You have to use your head to determine what is wrong.   Your toolbox with all the latest electronics will not help if your diagnosis is wrong. To fix or repair something is - khanda because you use your head ( i-kha-nda ) to find out why the car won’t start.   A possibility is that it doesn’t have gas/petrol.   It happens.   We live in difficult times.   In that case, the car is not broken.   You just need to walk to the nearest gas station with a can to buy a few litres.   You don’t have $10?   Then you are broke, broke, broke and need repairing yourself. Warm weather is coming.   There’ll be a lot of boots on the roofs doing repairs.   The Maintenance Department where you work deserves respect because they repair broken toilets. Some things cannot be repaired because they are not meant to be.   That is why there are dollar

E-ads or online ads? We have e-commerce, right?   It follows that we should call online advertisements e-ads. Having said that, let’s look at banks and their devious ways.   They believe that only men are their customers.   That is why they have these ads with the man in the house punching the computer while the woman looks adoringly at him.   Banks are right about one thing, computers and other electronic devices control our lives: how and when we pay the auto loan, hydro, credit card, buy winter boots etc.   It is called e-commerce, e-love or e-everything, because it happens in these devices. However, these e-ads where it is the man operating the computer, are way off base.   Computers are gender neutral.   There is no male or female.   Banks hire advertising agencies to handle their accounts and they come up with suggestions.   Why is it that banks never question why it is only men that are computer-savvy at home?   Women only control computers in bank ads when they have t

Disturbing a wound in thu-nu-ka in Zulu. Feeling pain is ku-buhlungu .   When someone dies, we tell the family ku-buhlungu .   When people lose jobs, we say ku-buhlungu .   We cannot teach you how to say that in Zulu because there is no equivalent English sound for -hlu- . U-bu-hlu-ngu is different from disturbing existing pain like a wound or recovering from someone who stood you up at the altar with 200 guests waiting and debts that will take years to pay. Thu-nu-ka is disturbing a previous pain.   Man breaks a leg while skiing in Vemdalen, Sweden.   His kids play with his cast, writing their names and drawing emoji’s.   His wife scolds them that they are disturbing the pain: Ni-ya-mthunuka. Thunuka. You say the first part like tool, the second like nook and the last one like Kamala Harris, one of the 2020 U.S. presidential candidates. ZULU ENGLISH Thunukile. A girl’s name meaning her birth reminds the family of previous pain. T

Drama at wedding seating arrangements. Store display. So, you’ve decided on a spring wedding? No problem, love is in the air or you’ve accepted an arranged marriage proposal.   The problem is managing your family at the sit-down dinner, managing, because family is not monochrome.   Siblings carry the same surname and religion, but they come in different ages, temperament, economic circumstances, education, culture arrogance and where they live at the time of your wedding.  These categories are no help either, for example, putting married couples at the same table might come with a nasty surprise where a couple announces a divorce.   Also, married women that are not allowed to breathe a word at home dread wedding seating arrangements that reinforce their nonentity existence. But married women have no trauma compared to your single girlfriends or divorcees.   They feel their unicorn status more in social gatherings such as weddings and parties, where some married women r

A translation dilemma! ·          to act busy is di-di-ze-la in zulu. ·          to be really busy is also di-di-ze-la . Which one should we use for this lesson?   My mother’s.   She used to watch my shenanigans at being busy and she would ask me. Nonqaba wenzani?   Uyadidizela nje.   Angiboni ukuthi wenzani. (Nonqaba, what are you doing?   You are acting busy.   What exactly are you doing?)  Haayi!   You can never fool the woman who carried you in her belly for nine months and risked her life to bring you into this world in one piece.   Women still die in childbirth, unfortunately. We’ll start with the positive.   Monsoon Wedding , directed by Mira Nair is one of my favourite classics because preparations for the wedding remind me of Africa: relatives arriving from afar, being sent to fetch them from the train station or airport, massive pots to cook for the masses, brewing African beer, cousins running around, aunts cooking and trying to understand elders and

Commonwealth. That is the most appropriate name for Meghan Markle’s son because his father is the descendant of a family that exercises what is called the divine right of kings, which led to the invasion and subsequent ownership of people who do not look like that family. We don’t know Commonwealth’s last name because his parents are not referred to as Mr. and Mrs. somebody.   We also don’t know if they have a social security number or pay tax. What we know is that Commonwealth’s parents are globe-trotters because the sun never sets on what was known as the British Empire, with tentacles reaching Africa, Australia, Caribbean, Hong Kong, India, North America, New Zealand and everywhere where the British navy landed, took the land through the barrel of the gun, imprisoned local kings, instituted British education to drive the money economy, shaved kids’ heads because their kind of hair supposedly had lice, punished them for speaking African languages and annihilated African cultur

Courage is i-si-bi-ndi in Zulu. Photo credit. Online pic. Lost in translation.   That is what we have here.   Maybe we should say i-si-bi-ndi means guts. Courage and bravery might be twin sisters because the outcome is something good/positive. Family encourages someone about to have an operation to have courage.   Be brave.   People who have lost everything in a fire, tsunami or hurricane are brave because they still hope for a better tomorrow.   Women are brave because they give birth.   Some die in the process. However, i-si-bi-ndi is more than courage or bravery.   It is having the guts to do something bad, which might be criminal or against society’s norms. I-si-bi-ndi is carrying drugs to Thailand because they don’t play.   They will throw you in jail and throw away the key.   Forget about your embassy in Bangkok.   It won’t save you.   Being a drug mule to Thailand or any other country requires i-si-bi-ndi because of the consequences.   If you are lucky, yo

Writer’s block.   It is something that brings shame.   Q: How are you doing?   How’s work? A: Bad. I haven’t written a sentence for a week. Q: Have you ever thought of getting a real job? See.   People who don’t write don’t understand, especially those we live with.   That is why writers should take a break from anonymous Twitter and meet face to face with other writers in their city, to give the car some gas that will kick writers’ block to the curb. How about cooking? After all, writing is about mixing ingredients, boiling and pushing something in the oven to come up with an attractive read. Writers’ Cookouts They should have writers’ block cooking marathons where they try and cook chicken roti, paella, lasagna, Scottish haggis, Chinese dumplings, roast chicken, quiche, Japanese ramen noodle soup anything, that will take their minds off the writers’ block. Ordinary people are not sympathetic to writers’ block because writing: ·          does not feed the

To sweat is ju-lu-ka in Zulu. Summer is a big deal in North America and Europe.   People sweat a lot and use air conditioners.   They might go to the city pool to cool off or their own swimming pool if they are wealthy.   Sweat has an odour, which clings to our clothes, so we shave armpits because that is where sweat resides.   What do kids call it in the U.S.?   Funk.   We shave to get rid of the funk. Poor parents sweat to send their kids to school. They might have two jobs and a little home business to make ends meet.   Trust fund babies do not.   They lunch because parents provided for them by leaving money in trust funds. People go to the gym to sweat, so they have massive gym bags full of towels and water bottles. Rafael Nadal is a fascinating tennis player and he sweats a lot for his titles. Ju-lu-ka .   You say the first part like Jupiter, the second like look and the last like kamala, an Indian word. ZULU ENGLISH Juluka. A b

Sleepy is ze-la in Zulu. It’s funny watching people who don’t pay tax (babies) rubbing their eyes.   Ah!!! feeling sleepy, are we?   What college professors dread the most is dozing off in class. They take it personally because they don’t have inside information about last night.    Cut the conversation short when people yawn.   They are feeling sleepy because you are boring them.   Ouch! I understand some countries take a siesta after lunch.   I must use the next available seat sale on Air Zero and visit them. Ze-la .   You say the first part like Zelda, the second like lark. ZULU ENGLISH U-na-na u-yo-ze-la. The baby is drowsy/wants to sleep. Ngi-yo-ze-la. I’m drowsy. Wa-za-mu-la. U-yo-ze-la? You are yawning.   Are you drowsy? Yebo.   Ngi-yo-zela. Yes.   I’m drowsy. Ha-mba u-yo-la-la.   U-ya-ze-la. Go and sleep.   You are drowsy. U-Lancelot nja-