Ban laptops from restaurants
Photo: Nonqaba waka Msimang
“Shoes must be worn at all times.”
“No pets allowed.”
“This is a smoke-free establishment.”
“Don’t blow vuvuzela in this mall”
“Management reserves the right of entry.”
What I would like to see is, “No laptop computers allowed in this
restaurant.” I run away from my
computer on a daily basis using all kinds of excuses. I need some fresh air. I must go to my mailbox to collect traffic
violations. I must go to the bank to ask
them about why there’s no money in my account when I thought I had R150 left. I need cranberry juice and bread.
I therefore do not understand why we must wait outside in the sun
for 30 minutes for a table, because three tables are taken by three people who
are checking their mail or are on-line chatting with people they are not
supposed to chat with, since they have a live-in chat at home. It’s enough to drive a maitre ‘d patza. (mad in Italian).
Use your
home offices
Restaurants sell food. They
are licensed to offer us table and chairs while we eat their food decorated
with green leaves. They need the money
to buy fruit and vegetables, pay the bakery, waiters, rent, bank loan and the
taxman. What will happen if all of us
brought laptops to restaurants? They will
go out of business.
The table for two is the smallest.
What I’ve noticed is that laptop diners sit in tables for four, which
means that the restaurant has lost an order for four grilled fish dishes or
lasagna. I also get the impression that laptop
diners know that what they are doing is bad for restaurants, because they look
very serious and stare at the screen, giving the impression that they are doing
something important.
What I do admire though is that laptop diners have the latest computers
that I normally see in big-budget, but no-story movies. Their mobile phones have features that are
also in their computers.
Laptop diners are rich, uber
rich. That is why they have iPads. They have beautiful homes with amazing home
offices that are very lonely, because owners have relocated to Starbucks and
Nino’s.
Restaurants
are hurting
Laptop diners don’t have appetites.
They are big on glasses and glasses of water with lemon or cups of
cappuccino. A fruit salad is a big
meal. The restaurant is lucky if they
order the day’s special. Laptop diners
don’t make eye contact since they are so busy, so I’ve never asked them why
they want to destroy the restaurant business.
Laptop diners should put themselves in the coffee shop’s shoes. How would they feel if telephones in their
Wall Street offices were used for betting horses? How will Apple feel if their stores started
selling Samsung or HP computers?
Apple
is about the individual, the "i" or "me" so, it should start me-Cafes where customers
would drink as much water and coffee as they want, and show off their latest me-Hardware. Restaurants and coffee shops will make so
much profit, the second cup of coffee or vino will be free. People who go to restaurants to meet friends
and enemies and to get a break from that computer screen will have a table
again.
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