Coffee Break

Bonding with co-workers.

Unfortunately, kids are sent to college with the expectation that they will get better jobs after graduation.  If they are not in Economics or Business Studies, they are not conditioned to start their own businesses so that they can pocket the lion’s share of profits and also have people to boss around.

If they are lucky in the year of the lord 2019/2020, they will get jobs but there are two main hurdles:

·         the boss and

·         co-workers

The boss is no problem because if he says JUMP, you say how high.  Co-workers, however, are more complicated.  You need kid gloves to juggle egos and claims of superiority and a constant smile on your face to demonstrate that you are a team player.

There’s also the coffee challenge.  You get a job where your section goes out for coffee once a week to bond in an informal setting.  How do you contribute to the camaraderie when you don’t know anything about Bugs Bunny, baseball batting averages, organic and glutton free, the difference between soccer and football, between Cappuccino and Frappuccino, stand up comedy and television programs?

The best modus operandi (MO) when you go out for coffee with ‘the team’ is patience, because you need a few coffee-meets to identity players around the table.

i-pads: their sentences begin with ‘i’.  What did my English teacher call it, the first person?  I-pads can never give credit to another person or experience.  Some of them have been with the company for a long time but somehow, never got promoted.

i-do’s:  It’s like weddings. I do. They agree with everybody around the table and don’t let that fool you.  It is the epitome of slick.  They know about i-pads and other players and they say ‘I do’ to every opinion to speed up the coffee outing so that they can get back to their computers, to do things, you know.

smile hashtags:  they aim to please so they sip the tea or latte and smile, turning their heads to whoever is talking, like ping pong.   

the bored nations:  they don’t even pretend to be listening because they are on their phones, doing whatever.  Don’t try it when you are new.  You might be accused of not being a team player.  The bored nations are untouchables.  They do what they like, and bosses understand them, ‘Oh he’s just like that.’

Still, coffee-meets outside the office are important because they are antipasto to bigger things: the monthly staff meeting, the staff retreat in a famous golf estate and the year-end party, so you better know who is who?  Do you want to be an i-pad, i-do, a smile hashtag or a bored nation?

By:  Nonqaba waka Msimang.