Cellphone Gendarmerie

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http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Gendarmerie_nationale
This writing thing is not happening for me at all, so I have joined the mobile phone police. 

From this day onwards, we (mobile phone police) have injected your phone with a virus, without your permission of course, that will block certain messages that might lead to suicide, murder or shame to someone's family.

We think that face-to-face communication is still the best option to deliver the following messages.  You can invite a third person for protection or as a witness, if you fear that telling somebody something might lead to injury.

1.       You are fat.

2.       I love you.

3.       Will you marry me?

4.       The wedding is off.

5.       You are fired.

6.       I am no longer into you.

7.       Remove your stuff from my apartment before the end of the day.

8.       I divorce you this minute.

9.       Dad, I crashed the car.

10.   You are not the father of my baby.
This is not censorship.  It is an intervention like ‘parental guidance is advised’ in movies and television, which means parents can watch blue or red porn with their kids, on condition that they guide them along about what is happening on the screen. 

This job has many perks.  My favourite is being exempted from all of the above.  Mobile phone gendarmerie can send such messages as much as they want.

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