Mothers in Distress

Woman and her shrink.

Therapist:  Your mother? You think she is the cause?

Woman:  Yes.  My mother.  She never said: ‘I love you.’ Not even once doctor, never.

Billions of people around the world whose mothers have never uttered those three little words don’t understand because their mothers showed them love so well, they are able to survive in this turbulent world.  So, what is the problem? 

At The Forks, Winnipeg. 

It’s a matter of show and tell, I guess.  Parenting styles.  Some parents tell kids they love them night and day. Others show them. That is why some pre-school kids hug their parents in public for the love of it.

This Mother’s Day mothers will hear I love you a lot, in e-cards or paper greeting cards.  Some kids will call or drop by the house.  In corporate Canada and the U.S. personal assistants already reminded their bosses and even bought some bling from the jewellery store.

Gifts are the show part.  Show and tell.  We are encouraged to show love by buying things.  It’s not enough to say mom you are the best.  Something must be gift-wrapped. The good thing is that mothers know if they are loved or not.  They’ll say thank you but deep down, they know that it is for show, or Instagram consumption.

My mother watched my back: taught me how to cook and clean; wear clean underwear in case I faint and the ambulance is called; whipped my behind and sent me to my other mothers (her sisters) for home schooling during my rebellious years; dressed me like a princess; sent me to university and couldn’t eat when I was in detention for a year in a South African jail for campus activities against apartheid.

Mama had dreams which remained just that, because she accepted that society expected her to be a mother and nothing else.  Few people knew her name.  She was called maka-Nonqaba, after her first born child.  It means mother of.  Certain things have not changed in Africa.  That’s why they probably call Meghan Markle maka-Archie Harrison right now. 

This Mother’s Day we remember women who left their kids in orphanages because they are daughters, regarded as an expense because of the dowry practice, something made illegal many years ago.  

We cannot forget mothers who are in mental institutions because their bodies went downtown after giving birth to three kids, and husbands divorced them for younger women.  They did not have time nor the money to keep the bodies uptown like Nicole Murphy, Eddie Murphy’s ex.

We remember mothers whose daughters have incurable diseases or are dead after wrong choices they made on the internet.  Mothers behind bars still hope that they’ll be free one day.

Although there are cellphones in almost every hand in the world, there are billions of mothers who are not aware of Mother’s Day, so they are not expecting any gifts because they live Mother’s Day 24/7 and are rewarded by a smile from a child or grandchild. 

By: Nonqaba waka Msimang.