Doctors and Dr. Phil Patients

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It’s hard being a medical doctor these days.  Doctors’ occupational hazard used to include lawsuits from prescribing wrong drugs, leaving scissors inside patients during surgery, sexual accusations from female patients or plagiarism accusations by other doctors.

That seems to be a walk in the park now compared to patients who think they are Dr.  Phil.  They visit every blog, YouTube video, Google ads, and pharmaceutical videos once they feel a tiny pang in their right arm.  Then they call the doctor for an appointment.

This drives staff up the wall because they recycle everything they got from the internet over the phone.  They don’t have time for that because the switchboard is blinking like Time Square.  All they want from callers is the straight script.
‘My name is Genius Hashtag.  May I have an appointment with Dr. Gigabyte on May 19 please?’

 Genius finally meets Dr. Gigabyte and tells him what is troubling his wonderful self.  The doctor listens patiently as Genius outlines possible medication and surgery the internet suggested.  Dr. Gigabyte suggests having a blood pressure measurement first and gets a resounding NO.  Blood pressure instruments are highly unreliable, claims Genius.


It turns out that he is suffering from a rare disease online quack doctors know nothing about.  Dr. Gigabyte strongly advocates a second opinion from Bundesärztekammer, Canadian Medical Association or Irish Medical Council.

Dr. Gigabyte picks up the phone and tells staff to remove Genius Hashtag from the database.  Genius picks up his parka and gives him a pleading look.  That’s right, a medical divorce.
By:  Nonqaba waka Msimang.

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