Nonqaba said ...

Investigate is phe-nya  in Zulu. They want to impeach Donald Trump. Bad idea. Investigating him will triple his voters. He was put in the White House by the vote. Let the 2020 election decide whether he remains there or looks for another job. Politicians are always investigated. Sportsmen too. Television sitcom icons are investigated. Musicians are investigated. U-ya-pheny-wa  (He is being investigated.) Phenya  means to look carefully. You cannot find something because the closet is in such a mess so,your mother says phenya . Our desks are crying for help from the clutter. That is why we have to lift up things to find that short story print out. Nature is not on anybody’s payroll. It dances to its own tune. Cloudy skies, torrential rain, angry wind, then it settles. The sun reappears after its vacation. Ancient people who crafted the Zulu language said: I-zu-lu li-ya-phenya  (the sky is clearing). You meet someone online. He says you should meet in Central Park or a certain

Time i-si-khathi  in Zulu. People who love themselves like U.S. President Donald Trump like telling the world it is their time. I can imagine him speaking Zulu to Nancy Pelosi: “Isikhathi sam lesi. ” This is my time. Sunday Times in South Africa, New York Times, LA Times, The Japan Times etc. are newspapers.  They have ‘times’ because before Twitter, they reported on current events and what was going to happen in the future. Death also. They printed obituaries. There is no correct i-si-khathi  (time). What’s the time on your watch? What does hers say? How about the big  railway station clock? Bad example. Forget the railway station. The clocks in your house including the stove and microwave do not have the same time. I have two sources of correct time: cellphone and bus time table. The rest are maybe maybe maybe. Not with women. They are always reminded that i-si-khathi  is not on their side. Some even avoid family gatherings because all the aunties and grandmothers will

You can, because you think about things. Your frustration comes when you read blogs. Let’s look at these two thoughts. ‘I thought about that.’ ‘I think about that all the time.’ Bham! Number two is definitely a blog brewing if you think about snow all the time, how pretty it is when it falls, horrible when it melts, your old snow boots stashed away in the basement, all the funny snow hats in your closet, certain people who always buy you snow boots for Christmas, your first embarrassing fall on an icy pavement, community events to celebrate the first snow, your favourite snow recipes, kids and snow, entertaining kids when there’s no school for a few days because of a snow shut-out, snow art, old black and white snow photos you found in the library and the danger of having all that snow melting because the air is warmer than it was before. Caution. Your blog should not be things you lifted from the Weather Network or news networks about climate change. In other words, avoid an

Example i -si-bonelo  in Zulu. This comes from the verb -bona , to see. It’s a popular name for both boys and girls because it is a whole sentence: You are a good example  ( uyisibonelo esihle) . That is what the family is hoping, for the child’s future. Maybe the mother is good example. Maybe parents are a good example to the nation. Before i-Pad toddlers and phones in the back pocket, a larger pool of individuals brought up kids, because parents lived with uncles and aunts or grandparents. Being a good example was drummed at an early age. Cousins were cautioned not to smoke because that set a bad example for the younger ones. i-si-bo-ne-lo . You say the first part like email, the second like see, the third like Bo nang Matheba, the multi-lingual South African media practitioner. You say the fourth part like Nellie and the last like law. ZULU ENGLISH Sibonelo. A girl’s name. Sibonelo. A boy’s name. Ubani igama lakho? What’s your name? Igama lami u-Sibonelo. My name is

Hashtags seem to be pointing in one direction, Twitter is for the bourgeoisie . Why? Because there are hashtags for everything, from hamburgers to ketchup but none for sanitation workers, cleaners, street sweepers, garbage collectors and other people that make it safe to walk on streets because they are clean. We comfortably lie sick in hospitals because they are sanitized and check in hotel rooms because they are clean. Cleaners are the silent majority that prefers to be anonymous, not like life coaches, writers, book cover designers, poets, musicians, finance experts, wannabee chefs, wannabee actors, movie producers, actors, librarians, royal watchers, politician haters, pushers of diet fads of the rich and famous and other folks that are proud of what they do for a living or leisure. All of the above can only function in a clean environment and human bodies make that possible. I don’t know about Japan because they are very good with creating robots. Do they have robo-cleaner

Canada, this 2019 federal election will prove once again that when we enter the voting booth, we ditch the megaphone we used in social media, marching in the streets for this and that cause, denouncing this and that politician, wearing I Declare  T-shirts and other forms of public voting. The anonymity of online commentary also helps because we don’t post real photos, but have this unbelievable luck of destroying people based on accusations from individuals who have scores to settle.   I was pleasantly surprised to see that the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) now wants real names and surnames in comments, no more eggheads. Fair enough, because you should stand up and be counted, if you feel strongly about your position and not hide behind your dog’s photo. Politicians are on the receiving end most of the time and it is virulent during an election. What they should understand is that what I declare publicly to please family, friends and co-workers will not translate into a

A handbag i-si-khwa-ma  in Zulu. You pronounce it like qualms. That is a short cut translation in fact, because i-si-khwa-ma  is your jacket pocket, computer bag, gym bag, bags for art students, hunters’ bags, cyclist’s waist pouch, camera bags, the church collection, African women’s clubs and their lending schemes, etc. Womens’ handbags are the reigning queens this here, this 2019 because of Instagram and other social media window displays. Apparently, they are not handbags, but Madame Tussaud figures with logos. It is not a black leather bag, but a limited edition of the Zinglig collection. Madame Tussaud, the wax museum in London and elsewhere figure, only exclusive people. The diplomatic pouch. Old movies have stories of diplomats hiding stolen jewellery or documents in diplomatic bags because they are not searched when they board planes. Diplomatic immunity they call it. Fact or fiction? The company’s accountant is also i-si-khwa-ma  because he or she keeps an eye on how

I’m a wannabee writer under the delusion that one day, I will create  jazz on paper. Photo: Nonqaba waka Msimang I wish I was more adept at gently nudging characters to attention like the drummer in a jazz band tapping sticks that look like my grandmother’s yard broom, on the cymbals . The pianist nods and tickles some black keys, white ones or both. The arrogant saxophone doesn’t want to be left out and howls an amen, then a big thud from the upright bass guitar saying, you can’t leave me out of the conversation. So big, like a bear, with musical notes that hurt the ground with its footprints. I still don’t understand that instrument’s reason in jazz, but it is part of the conversation. It ain’t like that, the trumpet pumps its objection. It is, it is, it is, says the piano keys. You got it all wrong inhales the saxophone, grandstanding for ten seconds. There are two sides to the story, groans the bass, still upright. Yes indeed, says the drummer using other sticks fr