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Showing posts from February, 2017

Mobile Phones and Mathematics

There’s something called a self-inflicted wound.I think it means I caused my own pain.I don’t have anybody to blame but myself.

A good example of a self-inflicted wound is the stress about people not returning or ignoring your calls.

‘He is not picking my calls,’ a popular line in Nigerian movies. It comes from picking up.Some people say he is not taking or ignoring my calls.

The self-inflicted wound comes from mathematics.Leaving 20 messages on someone’s phone means you are not good in this subject, despite the education your parents gave you.

One + one = two.If someone doesn’t take your call the third time around, it means he or she doesn’t want to speak to you.Period.Just move on and don’t inflict any wounds on your beautiful body and intelligence. Math is also a factor when it comes to weekend fun or holidays.If she doesn’t return your calls about plans for the long weekend, it means that she has other plans to end that week and you are not part of it.Leaving messages on Friday, Saturd…

Data Plans vs Pocket Money

I want to send a text to the Queen of England and ask her to reconsider some of the things that have made her language stagnant.I wanted to say old school but she is not clued up at all with what is trending online or the streets.
Take pocket money for example.Money in general is no longer in the pocket.It is in our fingers.We punch ATM’s and green dollar bills slide out.We massage our phones and send money to kids’ accounts who want it for data and other digital related things.
The Queen must understand that kids do not have money in their pockets, but in family credit cards that parents are paying for, or have their own accounts where their scholarship dollars are deposited.
She must understand that kids do not waste time in bank lines because they are masters of the digital game.Delete that.The queen has never stood in line for anything in her life, so she will not understand that.
Kids do not have pocket money.They have digi-cash.They swipe cards or punch in numbers on their phones fo…

Comfort Food As Regret Food

Comfort food is good for the soul, which usually bleeds in winter from icy roads, bad drivers that want to annihilate pedestrians, frozen fingers and toes that take a sabbatical.What happened to my toes?I thought I was wearing special socks for boots?

We therefore have a right to comfort food which throws doctors’ orders out of the window and has no loyalty to calories.No calculator on the table, thanks very much.Piece of bread 5 calories, half a banana 10 calories, sugar-free cheesecake 2,000 calories.Ah! Ah!  We only live once.

Naw!Comfort food is old school food with its compulsory second helping.It involves licking fingers and giving a big sigh, about the good life, which is shelter, food, love and debt. The problem is the zip.The jeans remind you that comfort food can also be called you will regret food.Home sweet home is even sweeter in winter after surviving blowing snow and bumper to bumper traffic.
What is more welcoming than a pot of beef stew with dumplings on top?The zip is th…

Long Johns And Bus Shelters

Victoria Principal, Lingerie Plus or La-Senza do not stock long johns but they are very sexy in winter.Well! Sexy might be the wrong word.Come to think of it, the right one is survival.

Long johns are a survival item if you take the bus, otherwise you will find yourself sandwiched among 10 people in a bus shelter, who did not have the sense to buy them, knowing full well that they live in a country with a minimum of -20 degrees.
Some of them were too cold to brush their teeth or have a hot shower provided by the local hydro company.Others might have taken some gin and tonic or scotch on the rocks to ward off the biting cold.
People outside the bus shelter don’t have to experience all this because they are wearing long johns, maybe three pairs so they are waiting for the bus outside and just walk around to prevent their toes from freezing.
It is therefore your choice.To long john or not, that is the question.I’m not trying to be Shakespeare or anything.Oh!You call them tights or leggings.T…