Ban laptops from restaurants

Figures are not in yet but restaurants are losing a fortune because y’all take computers to restaurants, order a cup of coffee and sit there for hours.  In fact, restaurants should post signs at the door.  Why not?  There are all kinds of exclusionary signs in shopping malls and restaurants. 

“Shoes must be worn at all times.”

“No pets allowed.”

“This is a smoke-free establishment.”

“Don’t blow vuvuzela in this mall”

“Management reserves the right of entry.”

What I would like to see is, “No laptop computers allowed in this restaurant.”   I run away from my computer on a daily basis using all kinds of excuses.  I need some fresh air.  I must go to my mailbox to collect traffic violations.  I must go to the bank to ask them about why there’s no money in my account when I thought I had R150 left.  I need cranberry juice and bread. 

I therefore do not understand why we must wait outside in the sun for 30 minutes for a table, because three tables are taken by three people who are checking their mail or are on-line chatting with people they are not supposed to chat with, since they have a live-in chat at home.  It’s enough to drive a maitre ‘d patza. (mad in Italian).

Use your home offices

Restaurants sell food.  They are licensed to offer us table and chairs while we eat their food decorated with green leaves.  They need the money to buy fruit and vegetables, pay the bakery, waiters, rent, bank loan and the taxman.  What will happen if all of us brought laptops to restaurants?  They will go out of business.

The table for two is the smallest.  What I’ve noticed is that laptop diners sit in tables for four, which means that the restaurant has lost an order for four grilled fish dishes or lasagna.  I also get the impression that laptop diners know that what they are doing is bad for restaurants, because they look very serious and stare at the screen, giving the impression that they are doing something important. 

What I do admire though is that laptop diners have the latest computers that I normally see in big-budget, but no-story movies.  Their mobile phones have features that are also in their computers. 

Laptop diners are rich, uber rich.  That is why they have iPads.  They have beautiful homes with amazing home offices that are very lonely, because owners have relocated to Starbucks and Nino’s.

Restaurants are hurting

Laptop diners don’t have appetites.  They are big on glasses and glasses of water with lemon or cups of cappuccino.  A fruit salad is a big meal.  The restaurant is lucky if they order the day’s special.  Laptop diners don’t make eye contact since they are so busy, so I’ve never asked them why they want to destroy the restaurant business. 

Laptop diners should put themselves in the coffee shop’s shoes.  How would they feel if telephones in their Wall Street offices were used for betting horses?  How will Apple feel if their stores started selling Samsung or HP computers? 
Apple is about the individual,  the "i" or "me" so, it should start me-Cafes where customers would drink as much water and coffee as they want, and show off their latest me-Hardware.  Restaurants and coffee shops will make so much profit, the second cup of coffee or vino will be free.  People who go to restaurants to meet friends and enemies and to get a break from that computer screen will have a table again.


Popular Posts